Star Trek: “Mesin Waktu Mr. Spock”

“Excuse me?”

TrekVM-01

TrekVM-05Old school Star Trek fans likely know that View-Master, the wonderful company which has been offering since 1939 all sorts of photographic and (later) stereoscopic imagery goodness for education and entertainment, has not forgotten the Final Frontier.

View-Master dipped its toes into the Star Trek pond no fewer than five times, which packets of stereoscopic “3D” images showcasing the original series episode “The Omega Glory” and the animated episode “Yesteryear” (packaged as “Mr. Spock’s Time Trek”) along with Star Trek: The Motion Picture and Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan. Finally, the second-season Star Trek: The Next Generation episode “A Matter of Honor.”

Of these, the “Yesteryear” adaptation is the most interesting. Rather than rely on set or publicity photography as was the case with its live-action counterparts, “Mr. Spock’s Time Trek” benefits from Filmation’s having rendered special recreations of the selected images designed for use with the View-Master format.

Way back when, the resulting packets of three “card wheels,” each featuring 7 images (2-each, working together to achieve the intended 3D effect), was accompanied by a booklet summarizing the story being told. The text was partnered with illustrations, which in this case are different from those depicted in the images. View-Master actually issued this in two versions: the “regular” edition, and one with a soundtrack narrating the text from the booklet.

You’d think that would be enough glomming onto one bit of Trek lore, right?

Wrong.

A few weeks ago, friend Rich Handley alerted me to the existence of a book he’d never seen in all his travels as a researcher of all things obscure Star Trek. He came across it while searching for rare copies of Indonesian and other foreign language Trek comics, at which time he asked if I was interested in it.

Hell yeah. I love this quirky stuff. So, what did I end up with?

MesinWaktuSpock01

Published in 1979, “Mesin Waktu Mr. Spock” (loosely translating to “Mr. Spock’s Time Machine”) appears to be exactly what it looked like when I first saw it: an Indonesian adaptation not of the “Yesteryear” episode,” but indeed the View-Master presentation of that same episode.

It contains almost but not all of the images from the original reels, accompanied by text which – so far as I can tell – is far more detailed than the story summary provided with the original View-Master booklet. Hardcore Trekkies will grind their teeth and clench their jaws upon realizing that every single image is flipped/reversed/inverted/wrong. Personally, I think it’s hilarious:

And so it was that yet another bit of oddball Star Trek publishing weirdness found its way to my disturbingly large library.

Many thanks to Rich for turning me onto this little nugget of nostalgia. It makes me want to start digging to see what else is out there.

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Pondering AbeBooks’ “Most Searched for Out-of-Print Books of 2016” list.

Because it’s the sort of weird thing I do, from time to time.

I’m a frequent shopper/user of the AbeBooks.com portal, forever using it to hunt for books I’m wanting to add to my library. It’s a great resource for finding affordable copies of older and out of print books, like old tie-in novels or entries in the various pulp fiction/men’s adventure series for which I confess to having a nerdy fondness.

As a consequence of my book fetish, I’m on their mailing list and therefore get their various newsletters and other odd articles. The latest of these newsletters brought with it a link to an interesting article:

AbeBooks.com: Most Searched For Out-of-Print Books of 2016

Prompted by an apparent surge in interest for Michael Crichton’s 1973 book Westworld – which presented his screenplay for the film released that same year – thanks to last year’s HBO series based on the premise, AbeBooks compiled a list of the 30 out-of-print books that apparently were the biggest targets of would-be book buyers. Crichton’s Westworld topped the resulting list, which is an eclectic mix of non-fiction and fiction across several genres and topics.

I’m not going to put the whole list here (go read the article. It’s good!), but a few of the hunted titles amused or intrigued me for different reasons. For example:

#2: Sex by Madonna, 1992 – I remember the uproar that accompanied this book’s publication. It caused a lot of pearl clutching in the little Georgia city were I was living at the time, and the Waldenbooks at the mall (THE mall. The only mall.) kept their copies behind the counter. This was a town where you couldn’t even buy a Playboy at the bookstore, at least back then. I’ve thumbed through a copy, but I never felt any real urge to add it to my library. Even when it comes to smut, I guess I’m still pretty demanding.

#5: Encyclopedia of Pierced Quilt Patterns by Barbara Brackman, 1993. I’ve got nuthin.

#8: Fast Times at Ridgemont High by Cameron Crowe, 1981. This book is, of course, the basis for 1982 film. We’ve all seen the movie (“All right, Hamilton!”), and I’ve read the excerpts that are included in a 1981 issue of Playboy, but the book itself is one that’s eluded me for decades. It seems like an obvious candidate for republication, but so far no luck, and copies can go for a couple of hundred bucks on the secondary market. C’mon, Cameron! Help us out, here.

#19: Portrait of A Killer: Jack the Ripper – Case Closed by Patricia Cornwell, 2002. I had a copy of this book, and somewhere along the line it got itself purged from my library. Shit!

#24: Lost Moon: The Perilous Voyage of Apollo 13 by James Lovell and Jeffrey Kluger, 1994. The firsthand account of the fateful lunar flight, as told by the mission commander himself. I was surprised to find this one listed as OOP, but I guess that’s the way it goes, sometimes. The book was re-issued in 1995 with the title Apollo 13 as a tie-in to the Ron Howard film. Of course I have a copy, but it’s the original edition.

#25: The Making of Star Trek by Stephen E. Whitfield and Gene Roddenberry, 1968. Pretty much what the title indicates. This tome was written while the original series was in production, and offers a detailed behind the scenes look at how it all came together. One of my very favorite Star Trek books, it was reprinted about a million times over the years, and I’ve had a copy since childhood. Now I have (at least) four different versions, but it’s only in the last couple of years that I finally acquired a mint first edition.

oop-books

Though none of my out-of-print titles made the Top 30 (go figure), the rest of the list is as interestingly varied as the ones I cherry-picked here. You’ll find things like The Essential Woodworker, Stephen King’s novel Rage, a couple of sports biographies, and the novelization of the 1978 film Halloween. There are also links to lists from previous years. I checked the 2015 list, for example, and noted that several of the titles from the 2016 edition appear to be perennial favorites. I also saw that Martin Caidin’s Cyborg (basis for TV’s The Six Million Dollar Man) held the #25 spot in 2015. Heh.

Anyway, definitely go and check out the entire article.

Oh, and if you have a copy of Fast Times, call me.

“Twas A Die Hard Christmas.”

What does one do when one’s TV and internet access was compromised for the bulk of the day?

I can’t speak for anybody else, but me? I make up shit.

It wasn’t a completely off day, of course. For one thing, I’m in the middle of finishing up an outline for what I hope is a novel project I’ll be able to tackle in 2017. No sooner is that one done then I’ll be turning my attention to another outline for a book I will be writing beginning early in the new year.

I’ve also got a cover blurb to polish, so that I can deliver it to the editor who requested it. Doing these is harder than it looks, and boiling down everything I want to say about this particular book has actually been pretty tough, because I’m definitely a fan of the work and want to do it justice. But, I’ve got what I want to say down, now, and I just need to buff it up a bit.

Oh, and then there was that period earlier this afternoon where I just started going off the rails a bit, because a goofy idea took hold and wouldn’t let go until I did something about it……

diehardchristmas-logo

Continue reading ““Twas A Die Hard Christmas.””

ReWard: “The ONLY canon Star Trek book.”

I found myself involved in two separate conversations on Facebook today, both relating in some manner to one of my favorite topics in the history of ever, “the Star Trek canon.”

Of course, anybody who’s hung out around here for any length of time knows how I get when this particular subject comes up, mostly because people tend to dick up the conversation by confusing “canon” with “continuity,” which even when addressed doesn’t make the discussion any less taint-itching.

Anyway, during one of the conversations, a couple of blog posts I’d written a few years ago came up. One of them was this answer to an “Ask Dayton” query for the G&T Show, but you have to remember that the Dayton who answers those questions is the evil Mirror Universe Dayton, who’s really a lot like me while lacking my sense of decorum.

The other one, was a bit of goofiness in which I described the one and only canon Star Trek book. This one’s so old that it dates back to my old LiveJournal account, so I figured it was worth dusting off and dropping in here as the latest installment of my “ReWard” feature, which is really just a pretentious way of recycling some of my older shit.

So, from a post originally written on October 24th, 2010: “The ONLY canon Star Trek book.”

Continue reading “ReWard: “The ONLY canon Star Trek book.””

A proposed modification to office meeting policies.

So, this morning, I’m having a conversation on Facebook with a friend, who drops this bit of “Monday” on me: Apparently, someone in charge at his office called a meeting, and once everyone was present, confessed that he had real idea why the meeting was being held. The “in charge” person basically said, “I have no idea what I’m supposed to be asking here.”

This, of course, prompted reactions from the group that likely were variations of this:

AngryApe

I’ve been in my share of meetings where there seemed to be no defined purpose for the gathering, other than interrupting whatever work we were supposed to be doing. It’s one thing for the rank and file to be clueless when they’re called into a room (keeping your people uninformed being a pillar of modern management, and all), but if you’re the one who’s supposedly got the plan hiding among those flash cards you’re holding close to your vest, you’re expected to drop knowledge on your subordinates every so often.

People who failed at this usually irritated the shit out of me.

Therefore, I propose this modification to office meeting policy:

If you call a meeting, and once everyone is assembled you announce that you don’t see the point of the meeting or – worse – have no idea why the meeting is being called in the first place, you are then required to perform a lip synch rendition of a song from a pre-approved list. Said list is to be compiled and approved by all members of a team or group that participates in the affected meetings.

Barring the existence of such a list, or if an agreement cannot be reached so far as any options from said list, the default selection will be “The Jackal.”

Discuss.

Today is a good day to drink.

Well, really, any day is a good day to drink. I don’t necessarily do that every day, you understand. There are evenings when I just feel like having a nightcap to put a lid on a given day, and then there are the times when I really wished vodka would just stream from my kitchen faucet.

But, I sense I’m already beginning to stray a bit. Anyway….

For Star Trek fans who also fancy the occasional indulgence, today indeed is a good day to drink. Why? Because the gods of libation have seen fit to bestow upon us mere mortals yet another Trek-themed alcoholic beverage. Behold, onlookers:

bloodwine

StarTrek.com: Today Is A Good Day to Enjoy Klingon Bloodwine

This new selection comes to us from Votto Vines, the same company that has been offering wines in bottles featuring the Star Trek poster art of Juan Ortiz. According to the StarTrek.com piece, this new Klingon Bloodwine “is a medium-bodied red blend of Malbec, Syrah and Petit Verdot from the Paso Robles AVA in California.”

I have no idea what that means.

What I do understand is this part: “A 2012 vintage, it can be enjoyed with grillled meats and mature cheeses, or such traditional Klingon fare as Heart of Targ.”

I’m no expert, but I’m guessing this will be the perfect companion drink when we all gather around the fire and sing songs of our great battles. Or, roast marshmallows. You know, whatever. As for the wine, I assume it also goes well with chicken wings. Here’s hoping.

Now, I have to say that this is like the third or fourth Trekbooze-type thing I’ve missed out on. We’ve had Vulcan Ale and Klingon Warnog courtesy of the Federation of Beer, who also provided a limited edition “Orion Sindicate” Lager to the recent Destination Star Trek convention in London. I’m sure there’s something else I’m missing, and I can’t help feeling as though I’m getting pimped on this deal. Granted, I also tried the Romulan Ale and the previous Klingon Bloodwine at the late and very much lamented Star Trek: The Experience attraction in Las Vegas, but those have gone the way of the dodo.

Note to CBS Consumer Products: I’m still available for all taste-testing of themed alcoholic beverages. It’s a risky job, I know, but I’m willing to undertake such hazardous duty for the sake of all Star Trek fandom. Call me, or just authorize air drops into my AO, all right?

Beer me, petaQ!

I can’t wait to see the look on the bartender’s face the first time I’m there to watch someone order one of these.

warnog

StarTrek.com – FIRST LOOK: Klingon Warnog – Coming Soon to US & Canada

I’ll admit that the beer described in the article sounds rather tasty, and I’m kinda keen to try it. I’m sure this particular flavor/blend/whatever is available under some other label, but it’ll be a new one for me.

One. Six. Whatever. Don’t judge me. SHUT UP.

Moving on….

I saw this a couple of times in my Facebook feed earlier today. As some hard core fans rightly pointed out, “Klingon Warnog” really isn’t “the first Star Trek-themed beer to hit the US.” That supposed honor actually goes to the infamous “Romulan Ale,” a rather putrid concoction memorable mostly for the fact that it turned your teeth and urine blue. It was available at the late and very much lamented Star Trek: The Experience attraction in Las Vegas, where you could get it by the glass at Quark’s Bar or even buy some to take home with you.

RomulanAle

(Don’t drink and cloak.)

(Note: The Romulan Ale beer, as bad as it was, shouldn’t be confused with the energy drink of the same name, because holy shit…was that it’s own kind of nasty.)

According to this news report, “Klingon Warnog” will make its debut tomorrow night at the Nightclub & Bar show in Las Vegas (and why wasn’t I invited to that?), and will be available for sale throughout the US and Canada later this year.

Note to CBS Consumer Products: I’m available for all taste-testing of themed alcoholic beverages. No, really. Call me.

(I sense a story idea coming on…a rogue pilot and his unlikely partner take a bet from an Orion merchant to cross into Klingon territory and bring back 400 cases of Warnog in 28 hours. Neutral Zone-bound and down, yo.)

Anyway….

If you’d like to learn more about Klingon Warnog and the previous Trek-themed offering, “Vulcan Ale” (currently available in Canada), check out the page devoted to both: Federation of Beer!

Note to Self: Get a job with these folks.

It seems today is a good day to drink, after all. Yesterday wasn’t bad, either, and tomorrow’s looking pretty damned good. Qapla’!

Let that be your last lobster trap.

BELE
It is obvious to the most simpleminded that Lokai is of an inferior breed.

NEMO
The obvious visual evidence, Commissioner, is that he is of the same breed as yourself.

BELE
Are you blind, Captain Nemo? Well, look at me. Look at me!

NEMO
You’re brown on one side and orange on the other.

BELE
I am brown on the right side.

NEMO
I fail to see the significant difference.

BELE
Lokai is orange on the right side. All of his people are orange on the right side.

lobster

SFGate.com: 2-tone lobster, orange and brown, shown in Maine

Sorry. I saw the story on the news, and the dialogue from the episode just popped into my head.

The Tootsie Roll Tootsie Pop, examined logically.

Because my friend and generally loveable human being Orenthal Hawkins posed this question over on Twitter:

I actually tried to answer this question once, many many years ago back when I was a “volunteer staff member” in the old Star Trek Club on America Online, and because I apparently am incapable of throwing anything away:

Subject: Possible topic?
Date: Fri, Jun 12, 1998 17:53 EDT
From: STFC Net (Me, back in the day)

Here’s an idea, taking a cue from the recent stuff I’ve heard about the “Spock and Q” stage show….

Suppose Spock and Tuvok were in a debate about…..say……how many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Roll Tootsie Pop? How might that dialogue go?

Tuvok: “The answer can only be approximated, given the sheer number factors involved in the equation. For example, one must consider the size of the licker’s tongue, combined with the amount of force employed by the tongue across the surface of the Tootsie Roll Tootsie Pop. This will of course affect the dissolution rate of the hard candy shell, which must occur in order to allow the licker access to the chewy center.”

Spock: “You are overlooking the human propensity for impatience, Tuvok. It is highly probable that a human licker will opt to forgo the ritualistic nature of licking the Tootsie Roll Tootsie Pop, and instead employ the incisor and molar teeth to accelerate the process of penetrating the shell.”

Tuvok: “That is, of course, correct. However, the condition of the human licker’s teeth will also not be an absolute, based in part on the quality of dental hygiene practiced by the human licker, as well as the resultant decay in the aftermath of prior sessions with previous Tootsie Roll Tootsie Pops.”

And so it goes……anybody else? ;D

— Net (in one of those weird moods today….)


So, as you can see, a dialogue was begun, but the Ultimate Answer still seems to elude us.

Discuss.

UPDATE: This blog posting caught the eye of the savvy Tootsie Rolls/Tootsie Pops social media wizard over on Twitter, and this conversation ensued:

Ward-Tootsie-tweetsSo, yeah, that happened. Then, the aforementioned social media wizard snuck off for a little while to work in private. This was the result:

TootsiePop-Trek (Click to see the full size image over at ow.ly)

I still don’t know the identity of the person behind the Twitter handle, but I think we all can agree that this bit went above and beyond whatever might be listed under their job description. If nothing else, it was delightfully whimsical and unexpected.

(Note: “Khan” is now spelled correctly, when you click on the link.)

UPDATE, August 28th: This arrived today, courtesy of the aforementioned awesome Tootsie Pops social media guru:

tootsiepops They’re not just for breakfast anymore!

 A pretty cool capper to what started off as a goofy little diversion, don’t you think?

Best of “Ask Dayton” – “To Boldly…uh…well….”

Due to unforeseen scheduling goofs, there was no new episode this week of the Sunday G and T Show. Therefore, there also was no new “Ask Dayton” segment.

However, what I learned at last weekend’s big Trek convention in Las Vegas is that people actually like that bit of the show. Go figure. Anyway, now I kinda sorta feel bad whenever I don’t get to answer a new question. Still, thanks to doing this for more than two freakin’ years, we now have a tidy backlog of answered questions. So, why not dip into that reservoir and pull out a past favorite?

This one came to mind because the topic of this question was revisited at the Vegas con while we all eye-balled the TNG bridge restoration effort. Yeah. It was like that.

Originally answered on June 24th, 2012 for episode #49:

Not too long ago Terilynn tweeted something like “What Trekkie hasn’t thought of doing it in the captain’s chair?”

I, apparently am one of the Trekkies [that hasn’t], but since I’m a big fan of the “Ask Dayton,” that spurred me to write in and ask, where would Dayton want to “do it” in a starship? In the captain’s chair? In engineering next to the soft glow of the warp engine? On the feeding table that’s in the mess hall of a Klingon ship? Or in the cold corridors of a Breen ship?

Where would it be Dayton? I’m sure all of the listeners would like to know!

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand we’re back.

I knew it couldn’t last. The past few weeks have brought with them a collection of thought-provoking questions on several interesting topics. We’ve discussed what makes for good characters in stories, some of my favorite (and not-so favorite) convention memories, the pros and cons of having kids aboard starships, and even the idea of writing for Star Trek video games.

But, I knew that eventually…inevitably, even…the faithful G&T Show listeners wouldn’t let me down, and we’d be back to our bread-and-butter topics before too long. Don’t ever change, G&T Show audience: I love you just the way you are.

So….boot-knockin’ on a starship, eh? Well, all-righty, then. Before we go any further, though, there’s one item of business that needs addressing. What’s this about Terilynn wanting to do it in the captain’s chair? Are we talking original series or one of those NextGen-era reclino-trons? Are there pictures somewhere of her posed provocatively upon this most iconic of leadership pedestals? If so, why aren’t such photos more widely available? SOMEBODY ANSWER ME, GODDAMMIT!

:: Ahem. ::

Anyway….

Let’s get on with this, you buncha pervs. Where on a starship would I most want to “record another entry in the ol’ Captain’s bedpost log?” To be honest, I’ve never given such things a lot of thought, what with starships not being real and shit. I suppose the holodeck’s an easy answer, right? Just cue up the “Roman Orgy” program and make sure you’re hydrated. For variation, these other scenarios from the computer menu also look interesting:

Kobayashi Maru: Starfleet Academy’s toughest command test also is the backdrop for some of the most lurid tales in the long history of that renowned institution. Wanna know the REAL Picard Maneuver? Run the program and be ready to take notes.

Rock Star Groupies Private Party: This one seems self-explanatory. For the record, though, I’d play the reclusive drummer and lead lyricist, who often avoids the attention of even the most passionate and determined fans, until that one fateful night after a concert on Cestus III….

First Contact On the Planet of Time-Displaced Porn Stars: Marilyn Chambers, Christy Canyon and Jenna Jameson, all in their prime at the same time? Whoever wrote this program is a FUCKING GENIUS.

But, we seem to be off in the weeds again…..

As I said, the holodeck’s just too easy an answer. If you want a challenge, try the diagnostic beds in sickbay. You can make a game out of it, seeing how the medical scanners and monitors react to you and your partner doing your thing. Bonus Points if you can make the computer think you’re just conducting your regular physical, or if you’ve somehow morphed into a completely different life form, or if it just gives up because it’s never recorded readings like this ever before. Yo, Norman! Coordinate some of that action, whydontcha.

Oh, hey! What about a Jefferies Tube? Insert your own joke here, before you get to inserting whatever into wherever with whomever. The thrill of getting caught could, I suppose, add some spice, but if that’s your kink, then nothing beats the turbolift. That’s right, Star Trek’s answer to that subway scene from Risky Business is right here, begging to be exploited. You can even tell the computer to pipe “In the Air Tonight” through the intercom (or whatever the hell song was playing during that bit. I don’t remember, because I was too busy watching Rebecca DeMornay) while you and your hookup are busy…you know…re-crystallizing your dilithium.

And, of course, there’s the captain’s chair. Just be sure you don’t hit the wrong button with your ass or whatever, and eject the ion pod before there’s a red alert, if you know what I mean.

All right, you loveably twisted deviants, you. If this doesn’t trigger a discussion after Nick’s finished reading it, to include compiling a list of suggestions from the listeners, them I’m going to wonder about my possibly misplaced faith in the depravity of the G&T Show audience.

Good day to you, ladies and gents. I SAID GOOD DAY!