Let that be your last lobster trap.

It is obvious to the most simpleminded that Lokai is of an inferior breed.

The obvious visual evidence, Commissioner, is that he is of the same breed as yourself.

Are you blind, Captain Nemo? Well, look at me. Look at me!

You’re brown on one side and orange on the other.

I am brown on the right side.

I fail to see the significant difference.

Lokai is orange on the right side. All of his people are orange on the right side.


SFGate.com: 2-tone lobster, orange and brown, shown in Maine

Sorry. I saw the story on the news, and the dialogue from the episode just popped into my head.


Karma. It’s a bitch.

A local indie paper here in Kansas City, The Pitch, has a knack for reporting stories from the metro area that always bring a smile to my face, and sometimes they even elicit an outright belly laugh.

Today brought one of those stories.

This is one I read in the paper’s online edition: It seems that during last week’s major snow storm, a preacher’s car got stuck in the snow. While one passerby stopped to render legitimate assistance, a couple of douchebags opportunists decided to take advantage of the preacher’s predicament and rob him at gunpoint. Said douchebags opportunists apparently already had done this to someone else earlier in the day.

C’mon, you see where this is going….

Pitch.com: Three men allegedly rob a preacher stuck in the snow, subsequently get stuck in the snow

I love stories like this.

Thou Shalt Laugh At the Irony.

By now, pretty much everyone’s read or heard about the giant statue of Jesus Christ at a church along I-75 in Monroe, Ohio, which was struck by lightning on Monday evening, and promptly burned to the ground:

BoingBoing: Lightning strikes massive Jesus statue

The jokes write themselves, of course.

What I just learned this morning is that an even funnier bit of trivia that’s being left out of the stories is that right across the street from the church stands a monstrous sign for a Hustler Hollywood adult video store, which of course was not struck by lightning or damaged during the ensuing fire.


“I can’t believe Jesus was struck,” said his brother, who noted the giant Hustler Hollywood sign for the adult store across the street was untouched. “It’s the last thing I expected to happen.” – Seth Walsh, as reported by the Dayton Daily News.


Now, that’s comedy.

(Thanks to robinbailey, who provided the heads-up.)

Shat My Dad Says!

The Hollywood Reporter is … uh … reporting that William Shatner (aka the OG Captain Kirk, bitches!) has been cast as “the dad” in a pilot for a CBS sitcom based on the Twitter stylings of Justin Halpern, aka @ShitMyDadSays.

HollywoodReporter.com: William Shatner in Shit My Dad Says – Twitter sensation turned into TV pilot for CBS

I can actually see this working. Shatner’s long since proven he can be funny, particularly if he’s given good material with which to work. This one sounds like it’ll live or die on the strength of the script.

As for @shitmydadsays, if you don’t follow him on Twitter, you’re missing out on some of the funniest stuff going. I can only imagine the shit this guy’s dad says that’s too long or involved for 140 characters. That something like this could be turned into a TV show is either inspired or frightening. Hard to say at this point.

Note to self: Be funnier on Twitter.

Maybe they’ll call him “Finger Cuffs.”

Okay, this kind of schadenfreude just makes my day.

NYDailyNews.com: Bernie Madoff’s pain is a Queens man’s gain as Ponzi schemer’s jail number is a Lotto winner

Now, it’s time for a real contest. We need to figure out what Madoff’s prison bitch name is going to be.

I’m going with “Finger Cuffs.” Offer up your predictions in the comments!

Create your own Star Trek story.

As pimped by hughcasey, wookiemonster, and popfiend, we have this flowchart:

IO9.com: Create Your Own Star Trek Story.

Now, when you’re done crafting your epic, you’re going to need copy for the back cover, so allow me to help you in that regard:

Dayton’s Official Handy-Dandy Star Trek Story Blurb Generator

While enroute to insert Destination Here , Captain insert Captain’s Name Here and the crew of the insert Ship’s Name Here encounter a mysterious insert Mysterious Thing Here , which threatens to insert Threatening Action Here and thereby insert Repercussion #1 Here while at the same time insert Repercussion #2 Here throughout the insert Scope of Repercussions Here . Now, insert Captain’s Last Name Here and insert Gender-Specific Pronoun Here crew must solve the escalating crisis before insert Looming Deadline Kinda Thing Here !


You’re welcome.