IncrediBuilds: Buzz Lightyear

Toy Story

Build and color your own 3D Buzz Lightyear!

From space ranger to toy ranger, Buzz joins sheriff pal Woody as one of Andy’s best toy friends. Now fans can recreate Toy Story for themselves by building their own 3D wood model of the Star Command captain. In addition to a do-it-yourself, freestanding wood model, each set features a fun and informative hardcover book of facts, character images, and craft ideas that will help you reach to infinity, and beyond!

Includes:

–Laser-cut, FSC®-certified wood sheet with easy-to-assemble pieces
–Step-by-step instructions
–Coloring and crafting ideas
–A Buzz Lightyear guidebook

Order the Deluxe hardcover edition!
Order the Regular edition (softcover)

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This project, along with Buzz’s partner, Sheriff Woody, was another adventure with the IncrediBuilds team over at Insight Editions. For me, these were follow-ups to last year’s Star Trek original series U.S.S. Enterprise and its successor from Star Trek: The Next Generation. The book I wrote to accompany the model helps you revisit the events of the first three Toy Story movies from Buzz’s point of view, and even offers a few tantalizing bits about what you’ll see when Toy Story 4 makes its way to theaters in June.

And hey! The model that the book accompanies is pretty cool, you know.

Both the Buzz and Woody models are aimed at the 8+ age bracket. They’re really easy to put together and you can custom paint and/or decorate them any way you like. Cool, right?

KIRKPOCALYPSE NOW!

Regular readers of this space or who see me goofing on Twitter or Facebook know I love Trek stuff that gets whimsical, even silly, on occasion. Some of the merchandise that has fun with the franchise, while it may annoy the uber-serious fans who feel Trek deserves to be “treated with more respect,” blah blah blah, makes me smile, because it reminds me of how much *FUN* I had being a fan of the original show back when I was a kid. Running around our neighborhood pretending to be Kirk and the gang, fighting Klingons and shooting each other with our Tracer Guns, while jabbering into our bulky, oversized Mego communicator/walkie talkies, and so on.

Recent offerings like the QUOGS figures/style and the forthcoming “Trekkies Q-Pods” figurines are–to me, at least–a riot. I joked yesterday that I wanted covers for future novels to be rendered in either of those styles.

What I didn’t expect was a “decree” to get started writing a book worthy of such a cover. As “dictated” to me:

@daytonward Book cover? Oh yeah, just found this. It’s the cover for your next book. Get writing. yfrog.com/ocp6ejp

— jvancitters (@jvancitters) February 22, 2013

@daytonward And in under 10 min! Now the story. I love the idea of a bunch of cartoon alt reality Kirks bringing about the apocalypse. GO!

— jvancitters (@jvancitters) February 22, 2013

And the cover art? Behold, yo:

(Click to Biggie Size)

That’s some funny stuff, right there.

Anyway….I guess I should probably get started. He is the boss, you know.

😀

That’s why he’s the captain.

I Tweeted about this earlier today, but it’s just so awesome in its silliness that it bears repeating.

Earlier in the day, William Shatner, aka the OG Captain Kirk, tweeted to astronaut Chris Hadfield, who currently is…well let’s just say he’s on a business trip:

As I said when I first saw this, it really is William Shatner’s world, and the rest of us are just the primitive life forms he scans from orbit.

That’s why he’s the captain.

#70sTwitter.

It started innocently enough.

Last night, I was goofing off while taking a break from the writing, and I checked out my Twitter feed to see what was going on, who was saying what, and so on and so forth, when I spied this Tweet, “retweeted” by one of my Twitter friends:

@cmdrsue RT @SteveHuff Fuck Twitter woulda been awesome in the 70s. Can you imagine all the coked-out tweeting from the discos?

Being me, I immediately responded to both fellow Tweeters:

@daytonward @SteveHuff @cmdrsue Awesome hashtag idea. “Fuckin’ line to get into 54 is ridiculous. I’ll be out of coke before I get in!” #70sTwitter

And that, so far as I can tell, is how the chaos began.

I started out slowly, with a couple of tentative stabs at getting something going:

@daytonward “I can’t fucking believe Star Wars won the fucking Oscar. Did those idiots not even SEE Smokey and the Bandit?” #70sTwitter

@daytonward “Check out these wild new jeans! You can’t even *SEE* my feet!” #70sTwitter

And then, it began spiraling out of my control.

Tweets began popping up all through my feed with the #70sTwitter tag. For example:

@luisishere Just played my 6th hour of Pong. #70sTwitter

@plasticanimal Crap, just dropped my pet rock on my mood ring. #70sTwitter

@Psiqueue Just became Mayor of Studio 54 #Foursquare #70sTwitter

@SoriedemSTO The King of Rock ‘n Roll died on his throne #70sTwitter

@FerdBurfel You know what’s good about the gas crisis? We’ll all now drive small, efficient cars. Gas guzzlers are done. #70sTwitter

Some had me laughing so hard I thought I might soil myself, but I’m already doing the topic an injustice. See for yourself. As I write this nearly twelve hours after sending that first fateful Tweet, the trend is still going:

Twitter: #70sTwitter

Not to leave here without being shameless and self-serving, here are some of my favorite contributions to the fray:

@daytonward “They replaced Henry Blake with the old dude from Dragnet? EPIC FAIL.” #70sTwitter

@daytonward “If we cut taxes on the rich, that’ll stimulate economic growth.” #70sTwitter

@daytonward “If Carter wins the election, I’m moving to Canada.” #70sTwitter

@daytonward “Hey East Coast, thanks for spoiling the whole ‘Bigfoot is a robot’ thing. Fuckers.” #SMDM #70sTwitter

@daytonward “My mom took my Farrah Fawcett poster.” #70sTwitter

@daytonward “Who got his official KISS ARMY membership card in the mail today? This guy.” #70sTwitter

@daytonward “They’re making a Star Wars christmas show? SUCK IT, GRINCH.” #70sTwitter

So, I guess I can cross “Start a Twitter Hashtag Game” off my Bucket List. Sweet. Next up? WORLDWIDE TRENDING.

Despite the distraction, which based on my own Twitter timeline consumed the better part of three hours, I still was able to meet my writing goal for the evening….though I did keep checking the feed every so often to see what was what.

Twitter, you kill me.

Thanks to @SteveHuff and @cmdrsue for providing the initial spark. When the arraignments come down, I’m throwing you two under the bus.

ReWard: “The trouble with tribble tweets.”

Hey! Star Trek‘s got another cool anniversary worth noting today!

Tonight marks the forty-fifth anniversary of the original broadcast of “The Trouble With Tribbles,” regarded by many as one of Star Trek‘s most memorable episodes. Written by David Gerrold as a freelance submission to the original series, the script was his first professional sale, and the episode has since become one of those bits of Trek lore that even non-fans recognize.

The episode received a sequel, in the form of the 1973 episode “More Tribbles, More Troubles” from the animated Star Trek series, written by Mr. Gerrold. He also wrote about the creation, production, and enduring impact of the original episode in his own book, The Trouble With Tribbles: The Birth, Sale, and Final Production of One Episode, which also was released in 1973. Future incarnations of Trek would not forget the tribbles, either. In order to celebrate the 30th anniversary of the original series in 1996, an episode of Star Trek: Deep Space Nine has Captain Sisko and his crew travel back to the events of this episode and find themselves interacting with Kirk and the Enterprise gang in the utterly whimsical romp, “Trials and Tribble-ations.”

(Note: Friend and fellow word-pusher Terry J. Erdmann chronicled the production of this episode in his e-Book exclusive project for Pocket Books, The Magic of Tribbles – The Making of Star Trek: Deep Space Nine’s “Trials and Tribble-ations”. Check it out. It’s a fun read.)

To celebrate the episode’s anniversary here in The Fog, I’ve dug into my archives and pulled forth a bit of goofiness Kevin I originally wrote for Star Trek Magazine back in 2009, in response to a rather odd request from our editor. You can read all about that, and see the results of that “interesting” conversation, right here. From a post originally written on April 25, 2010, I present to you “The trouble with tribble tweets.”

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(Photo courtesy of StarfleetMom on Twitter.)

This new entry at Doug Drexler’s website, The Drexfiles, is pretty amusing. It’s a photographic travelogue of a wayward tribble. Thanks to Doug’s rather storied career, the tribble goes on a pretty slick journey to various Hollywood locales. Be sure to check out some of the characters the little wanderer encounters on his/her journey.

The entry reminded me of some stuff we did for Star Trek Magazine editor Paul Simpson last year, for an issue that came out a couple of months ago. Last fall, he came to Kevin and me with an unusual request: retell an episode of the original Star Trek as a series of “tweets,” or the 140-character missives you’ll find on the “microblogging” service Twitter. It sounded like fun, and since Kevin and I have acquired a reputation – earned or not – as being a bit on the irreverent side of things when it comes to writing about Star Trek, we figured this was right in our wheelhouse.

The result? Well, behold “The Trouble With Tribbles,” 140 bytes at a time….

@OneCoolTribble Anybody know where we’re going?

@Navel_Lint As long as we just get there. Where are we, anyway?

@Untamed_Mane Some guy’s pocket. Man, it’s dark in here. At least it’s comfortable.

@TribbleThreat Get off me!

@Moscow_Made And Spock takes three seconds to remind me why I hate coming to the briefing room.

@Captain_1701 Okay, we’re @K7. No flames, no debris, no floating bodies. #Priority1DistressCallFail

@FirstOfficerSpock “Two and only two” means “The number of my boots up your…” #Kirktionary

@OneCoolTribble I hope @CyranoJones sells the Spican Flame Gems. They’re starting to chafe.

@OneCoolTribble Too bright! Too cold! Oh, pretty lady. Nice touches. Right behind the—oh, yeah. That’s it.

@OneCoolTribble We may not have any teeth, but….

@CyranoJones Six credits each? Sucker. Wrigley’s Pleasure Planet, here I come!

@OneCoolTribble nom nom nom Holy Mugato Crap! This stuff is better than bacon! #quadrotriticale FTW!

@Captain_1701 First it’s Baris. Then it’s the Admiral. Now, it’s Koloth. What’s next? Unknown alien probe? #FML

@NuthinButMyBonez Note to self: schedule annual exam—FULL exam—for @Captain_1701.

@Hail-Yeah Hey, that one Klingon looks just like Trelane!

@OneCoolTribble Too much #quadrotriticale. Doesn’t this ship have any bathrooms?

@OneCoolTribble Uh oh. This is not gonna end well.

@OneCoolTribble Hey, where’d you guys come from?

@Cotton_Ballz Mom?

@PowdRPuff Mom?

@Trumps_Wig Mom?

@Miracle_WorkR He only THINKS it’s a technical journal….

@OneCoolTribble RT @Cotton_Ballz Hey, that pointy-eared guy rubs ME the RIGHT way. Pass it on.

@PowdRPuff Wait. How’d I get picked to get probed and prodded by the doctor?

@FirstOfficerSpock “In sickbay with a headache” means “I hope Bones replaced that bottle of Saurian brandy.” #Kirktionary

@NuthinButMyBonez See, that didn’t hurt at all, did it?

@PowdRPuff Didn’t hurt? Coulda bought me dinner first. Tell ya what. Next time, *I* wear the glove. #ExamFail

@Short_Rownd Hey guys! You’re never gonna believe what I found! Tweetup @K7 Storage Bin 42. BYOB!

@Miracle_WorkR He only THINKS I don’t want to go on shore leave….

@Moscow_Made I can’t believe the waitress thought I was only 17. I need to grow a moustache. Worked for Lenin.

@LieutenantFreeman She thought I looked like @Captain_1701. I get that a lot.

@Woolee_Bullee Klingons? Where’d these guys come from? And I thought it smelled bad inside @CyranoJones pocket.

@Moscow_Made Can you believe this Klingon? Dissin’ on @Captain_1701?

@Navel_Lint Wait a second! What’s wrong with being soft and shapeless?

@Miracle_WorkR He only THINKS he has delusions of godhood….

@Miracle_WorkR Hauled away AS garbage? #ItsOnNow

@Tuff_Muffin Fight! Fight! Fight!

@TwitterCritR Get me outta here!

@OneCoolTribble Don’t leave me on the table, bro!

@Moscow_Made “Small disturbance” means “Klingons fight like they smell: Badly.” #Kirktionary

@LieutenantFreeman I’d give a million credits for someone to take my place in this line-up.

@Miracle_WorkR “Confined to quarters” means “Me, my journals, and that awesome green stuff.” #Scottionary

@Untamed_Mane Hey! We’re on the bridge!

@PowdRPuff Look at me! I’m scannin’ for lifeforms!

@Cotton_Ballz I’m hailin’ me some frequencies!

@Trumps_Wig I’m in the captain’s chair! I run this sh….WHOA!

@Navel_Lint Heads up, @Trumps_Wig!

@Tuff_Muffin Check it out! @Captain_1701 is taking me to the station! I’m meeting with the big dogs! Boo-yah!

@Woolee_Bullee WTH? And I’m still stuck with @CyranoJones? Captain’s favorite! Captain’s favorite! #whatabrownfur

@Tuff_Muffin Hey, what smells like Klingon in here?

@FirstOfficerSpock “Au revoir” means “Suck it.” #Kirktionary

@Cotton_Ballz RT @Trumps_Wig Be sure to try the chicken sandwich and coffee.

@OneCoolTribble Hey @Short_Rownd and all you cargo-bin boys. Bust up your party pronto – the fuzz is on the way!

@Short_Rownd Bust it up? This party’s just getting started!

@TwitterCritR Wow, what a buffet!

@Eraser_Head Hey, I don’t feel so good. This stuff tastes funny.

@SnoBalls Hey! Shut the door!

@NewLoofah Grab on to something!

@LoneMuppet Look out below!

@UglyTribbling Geronimo!

Twitter is over capacity. Too many tweets! Please wait a moment and try again.

@NuthinButMyBonez Hey, that guy looks like Trelane!

@FirstOfficerSpock @NuthinButMyBonez The resemblance is uncanny.

@Tuff_Muffin Looks like @Captain_1701 needs us to rough up a Klingon!

@Navel_Lint Told ya that guy smelled funky.

@Trumps_Wig Stuck here? With @CyranoJones? For 17 years?

@PowdRPuff Uh, 17.9 years.

@Trumps_Wig #FML

@OneCoolTribble Not me! I’m on the Enterprise! Hey, I feel all tingly! Wait, where are we? What smells like Klingon?

@IM_Hungry What’s for dinner?

As part of the runup to the issue’s release, I started a Twitter account with a username “OneCoolTribble,” and goofed around with it here and there. Along with that, I solicited folks to send me pics of tribbles in various places. Some of those can be seen over on Twitpic.com. They’re not as cool as Doug’s, but I laughed at most of them. 🙂

Twitter diversions: #FiveWordStories

So, at a point earlier in the day when I should’ve been writing, I instead decided to check out my Twitter feed for a few minutes. Just a quick look and then back to work, right?

Uh huh.

Instead, my feed contained posts from folks, including several by super-duper cool comics writer Gail Simone, all bearing the hashtag “#FiveWordStories.” As you may have guessed, it’s a simple premise: tell a story in five words. Lots of people were getting in on the action, so I naturally had to give a go.

As of this writing in the early evening, the meme is still raging.

Activating time sink in 3…2…1….

Anyway, here’s the rundown my of Twitterific offerings for this day’s group activity:

• “Those aren’t our footprints, Neil.” #FiveWordStories

  (NOTE: This is the first one that came to mind, mostly because it also was a favorite of mine way back when I participated in a similar Twitter meme, “#SixWordNovels.” So, technically, this is a new edition of a previous work. Hey, I’m a recycler. It’s good for the environment.)

• Then God said, “Time’s up.” #FiveWordStories
• “You should probably get tested.” #FiveWordStories
• “You shoulda hung out, man!” — Dave Attell #FiveWordStories
• “What’s the label say?” “Ebola.” #FiveWordStories
• “What’s that?” “Your suicide note.” #FiveWordStories
• The Mayans were right. Fuckers. #FiveWordStories

I eventually was able to wrestle away the keyboard from my procrastinating self, and get my eyes back on the prize: continuing with the current novel project. Thankfully, the entire day wasn’t wasted. It could’ve been, though. I mean I WAS ON THE LEDGE, MAN.

It still was pretty fun, though 😀

2012 Presidential Debate #1. (or, “Whuhbuhduhwhuhbuhduh hah?”)

Well, that was interesting.

For those who didn’t watch it, you can read a transcript by clicking on this linky-type thing right here.

The highlights:

• Romney was the same arrogant, entitled jack-ass accustomed to getting his way and the last word that we expected.
• Obama came off like the bored college professor a lot of folks worried he’d be, and he fell into the classic “Incumbent First Debate Trap” of not showing up with his A-game.
• Moderator Jim Lehrer, in a coma for the first 45-50 minutes, was finally resuscitated in time to remind people to check under their seats for their personal belongings before proceeding to the gift shop and the exits.

Simply put, Romney was the louder and more confident of the two. After weeks–nay, months–fellating the extreme right wing and his big-money corporate puppetmasters, his unmitigated gall at re-branding himself as something resembling a centrist seemed to have the desired effect. It caught the president so completely off-guard that I’m sure at one point, he was expecting Romney to pull off a latex mask and reveal himself to be Ashton Kutcher.

It seems pretty clear that the president will win the “fact-checking battle” for this first outing, but as the GOP is on record as not caring about such things, it’s hard to gauge at this point what effect that might have. Meanwhile, from watching both men on stage, it was clear that Romney had Obama’s number early, even though the president was able to rally a bit toward the end.

Nothing I say really matters. Pro-Romney folks will say he won. Pro-Obama folks will say he won. Anybody who was already solidly in either man’s camp at the start of the evening isn’t going anywhere, and I doubt either guy won over too many undecideds, which is what I was guessing would be the result before the thing even started.

So, with that in mind, I decided to be a smart ass and live-Tweet the debate. Here’s a recap of my blatherings:

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Things you won’t hear at the #Debate: “NOT COOL, COOKIE.”

Things you won’t hear at the #Debate: “Nice tan.”

Things you won’t hear at the #Debate: “Less filling!” “Tastes great!”

I’m thinking Obama wins the Immunity Challenge tonight. #Debate

Jim Lehrer just warned the audience: “KEEP YOUR SUCKS SHUT, OR WE’RE SENDING YOU TO GITMO.” #Debate

“If both survive the lirpa, the next question will be fielded with the ahn-woon!” #Debate

What happened to the opening musical number? I used to love those. #Debate

I just realized what this #Debate is missing: Statler and Waldorf.

Lehrer to Romney: “THIS IS SPARTA!” #Debate

Where the hell are the #ReplacementRefs when we need them? #Debate

ROGERS/STARK 2012: AVENGE AMERICA #Debate

I hope the rumors are true, and there’s a Victoria’s Secret fashion show at halftime. #Debate

Overheard at Romney debate prep: “Trust me. Lie your ass off and reverse everything you’ve ever said. He’ll be speechless.” #Debate

I just realized what this #Debate is missing: A fucking moderator.

Overheard through Lehrer’s hot mic: “I can’t believe I shaved my legs for this shit.” #Debate

Overheard through Lehrer’s hot mic: “Hey, wait! I thought the #Debate was supposed to start at 9pm CENTRAL time!”

Lehrer to Romney and Obama: “TOUCHDOWN CELTICS!” #Debate

We’re just about ready for the lightning round, right? #Debate

We were promised oil wrestling. #Debate

I wish the judges would just move on to the next contestants. #Debate

Lehrer: “You guys keep talking about taxes and healthcare and other stuff, and I’m just over here making some pancakes!” #Debate

I think Jim Lehrer is channeling Clint Eastwood’s chair. #Debate

Jim Lehrer is to #Debate moderation as MTV is to music, or Carrot Top is to comedy.

Obama’s post-game press conference is gonna be six kinds of awkward. That call to go for the 2-point conversion was just stupid. #Debate

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And there you go.

The next debate will focus on foreign policy, which should provide its own brand of comedy.

Travel with the Titanic….sort of.

I’m sure that even by this point in the day, there might still be a few folks out there who might not be aware that today, April 10th, marks the 100th anniversary of the R.M.S. Titanic‘s departure from Southampton, England, as it began its maiden voyage.

Taking a page from the folks who brought you such efforts as a “Tweet-a-thon” recreation of the Apollo 11 mission on the occasion of its 40th anniversary a couple of years ago, The History Press has set up a Twitter account called @TitanicRealTime. There, the Titanic‘s maiden voyage will unfold in real time, starting with the ship’s leaving Southampton earlier “today” and its transit to Cherbourg. At present, the ship “currently” is steaming for Queenstown, its final stop before heading out into the open Atlantic.

Like many people, I’ve been fascinated with the Titanic since childhood; decades before Jim Cameron made it cool, and at least ten years before Robert Ballard found the wreck. Two of the first books I read on the subject, way back in early grade school, were Walter Lord’s A Night to Remember and Clive Cussler’s Raise the Titanic! I’ve read a bunch of other books, seen all the movies, watched all the documentaries, checked out all the traveling exhibits, and so on. So, observing something like this Twitter exercise is both eerie and fascinating all at the same time. Right now, not much is happening that could be called “exciting,” but the Tweets so far are working to provide perspectives from passengers, crew, and even onlookers from the different ports. I imagine the really juicy gossip about Benjamin Guggenheim and his mistress will start tomorrow around supper time. Tune in to find out!

Naturally I’ll be paying much closer attention come Saturday evening.

In recent days I’ve found myself perusing my illustrated edition of A Night to Remember as well as Ballard’s The Discovery of the Titanic. I’ve caught the newest specials on the “NatGeo” channel (the ones with Cameron and Ballard, respectively), and just yesterday I bought the latest issue of National Geographic, which contains articles written by Cameron as well as Hampton Sides (Ghost Soldiers) in remembrance of the centennial anniversary. Included with the coverage are some startling new photo-mosaics of the wreck, as well as a high-resolution sonar image of the entire wreck site and debris field. It’s like looking at footprints on the Moon.

As for Saturday itself, I’m giving thought to having my own little Titanic mini-marathon running as I work here at the Manor. For example:

Titanic (1953)
A Night to Remember (1958)
Raise the Titanic (1980) (Yep, you read that right.)
Titanic (1997)
Ghosts of the Abyss (2003)

Okay, so maybe I’m starting to get a bit carried away.

Tweet along with Forgotten Flix: FLASH GORDON

So, whatcha doin’ on Sunday, the 19th?

If you’re hanging around the house on Sunday afternoon looking for something geeky to do, then one suggestion I can offer is to join Joel Robertson, Jason Grooms and Maggie Kruger from the Forgotten Flix website and podcast, and partake of their first-ever “Forgotten Flix Tweet-a-Long.”

What do you need? A Twitter account, access to a copy of the 1980 cult-classic, Flash Gordon, and the desire to hang with fellow geek-flick aficionados and lay down some good ol’ movie-luvin’ snark. Here, read all about it:

Forgotten Flix: The First Ever Forgotten Flix Tweet-a-Long!

All of the gory details are there at the link, but the instructions are pretty simple: Queue up your DVD, Blu-ray, streaming, VHS, Laser Disc or whatever you have copy of Flash Gordon, and Just Push Play at precisely 4pm Eastern time. Keep up with the action (and add to it) on Twitter by tracking and employing the Twitter “#TFFPFlash.” To paraphrase Hard Harry from Pump Up the Volume, “Tweet Hard!” Tweet often; tweet funny.

For me, the best part of this is that Joel hasn’t yet seen the movie (Sidebar: Dude. What the hell?). Perhaps other Flash Virgins will also join the fray. I’m not yet sure if I’m going to be available to participate, but I kinda wanna.

Tweet Hard, yo.

Without Wikipedia, we’re left to our own devices.

As many/most of you know by now, a number of high-profile sites around the web “went dark” today, taking part in a fairly large-scale protest of the Stop Online Piracy Act (SOPA) and Protect IP Act (PIPA), two pieces of landmark legislation currently being considered by the United States Congress. Despite their seemingly honorable-sounding names, SOPA and PIPA are, to put it politely, “ill-advised.” To put it bluntly, they’re fuck-stupid, carrying with them the potential to cause vast harm to innocent parties while doing little to nothing to address the actual problems of copyright infringement and intellectual property theft.

One of the more prominent sites to participate in the blackout was Wikipedia. You can read the explanation behind their decision here: Wikimedia Foundation – English Wikipedia anti-SOPA blackout.

Along with Wikipedia, other big-time and not-so big-time sites across the web either went dark or at least posted some form of protest on their sites. Included among the “major players” was Reddit. WordPress.org and, of all things, ICanHazCheezburger.com. What? No LOLcats? Oh, HELL no. THIS CANNOT STAND, bitches.

Anyway, the notable lack of access to Wikipedia brought with it an unending stream of jokes at the site’s expense (these, in addition to the heat it already takes–fairly or not–so far as its reliability as an information source). Naturally, I got in on the act starting yesterday, when I stated on Twitter, “For 24 hours Wikipedia will be offline, defying the efforts of students the world over to cherry pick shit for their essays and term papers.” And just to rile up certain folks, I also said, “BREAKING: http://FoxNews.com to run nothing but actual, factual news tomorrow in protest of #SOPA.”

Yes, I know. I’m a smart-ass. Have we met?

Now, today, in an (English-speaking) world without Wikipedia and other sites, Twitter was the place to watch the “blackout” unfold in real time. One of the better Twitter trending topics was “#FactsWithoutWikipedia,” in which Tweeters took a page from the Fox News playbook and just made shit up. For example:

@jimgeraghty The Keystone XL Pipeline would ensure U.S. access to a steady supply of beer. #factswithoutwikipedia

@dvnix Sarah Palin successfully defended South Carolina from marauding Northerners in 1857. #FactsWithoutWikipedia

@tinastullracing Before Sir Isaac Newton invented gravity in the 17th century, everything had to be nailed down. #FactsWithoutWikipedia Quote UNK

Naturally, I couldn’t resist tossing in some my own. Here’s my list of contributions:

• Bigfoot is a cyborg created by aliens to protect them & their secret underground complex in the California mountains. #factswithoutwikipedia

• Aliens embedded secret msgs into porn tapes, which were never heard since everyone fast-forwarded through the tapes. #factswithoutwikipedia

• LOLcats once ruled the earth. Contamination from exposure to humanity eroded their once superior intellects. #factswithoutwikipedia

• Apollo 18 was a cover story invented to deflect attention from Apollo 19. #FactsWithoutWikipedia

• Soylent Green is people. #FactsWithoutWikipedia

• Playboy has printed the exact same “articles” in every issue of their magazine since Day 1. #factswithoutwikipedia

• Those really were the droids they were looking for. #FactsWithoutWikipedia

• Gandalf is an homage to Obi-Wan Kenobi. #FactsWithoutWikipedia

• The only way to become a comic book writer is to be bitten by another comic book writer. #FactsWithoutWikipedia

And forget my pithy blatherings. There was some truly funny shit posted today. The Huffington Post even has/had a running list of the best entries.

Of course, Wikipedia will be back tomorrow, and the world will be a more factual, accurate place, right?

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Setting aside all of the funny, the issues surrounding SOPA and PIPA and the potential they carry for rampant abuse are not joking matters. If you’ve not already done so, contact your congressional representatives and let them know you oppose this legislation and that they should, too. The blackout protests and other online discussions and actions seem to be having an effect, in that politicians and businesses who once supported the legislation are now backing away from it. Get educated on the bills, spread the word, and join the fight!

For more information:
Stop American Censorship

Electronic Frontier Foundation: How PIPA and SOPA Violate White House Principles Supporting Free Speech and Innovation

John Scalzi’s Whatever: On SOPA/PIPA (For the People Who Aren’t Blacked Out)