Jade Helm sitrep: D-Day.

Unless you’ve been living under a rock, you likely know that today, July 15th, was the first day of the “controversial” military training exercise Jade Helm 15. Now, depending on whom you ask, this is either the latest in a long string of such exercises that the military has performed over years and years, or a plot by the Obama Administration to launch a federal takeover of certain “enemy states,” such as Texas.

For those of you who lack a basic understanding of United States history and politics, Texas has been a member of our union since well before Obama became president, and for more than a century before he was even born, but let’s not let facts and logic start to pull at the threads of this particular tapestry, all right?

Anyway, if you’ve clicked on the handy link I provided up above, you’re now familiar with what Jade Helm is supposed to be (or what its disinformation campaign wants you to think it’s supposed to be, etc.). Today was the first day of fun for the folks in uniform participating in the exercise, and of course attention from all over was focused on it to see if Obama’s nefarious plot would unfold before our very eyes.

Working from my bunker well away from the front lines of the supposed conflict, I was able to glean snippets of news and other unconfirmed reports at different points during the day. For example, one source was able to provide this photographic evidence of the invasion just as it supposedly was getting underway:

From there, reports of encounters with individuals and small groups of invaders began filtering through the cordon which allegedly had been erected around the entire theater of operations:

Naturally, reports of resistance and other acts of civil disobedience were being reported:

While some residents appeared ready to defend their homes to the death, others were hoping to avoid direct confrontation:

Soon, and perhaps inevitably, the situation began to spiral out of control:

Of course, you can only push someone so far before they start to push back, amirite?

Naturally, there were those who saw the escalating conflict raging around them, and decided this might well present other, unexpected opportunities:


But, any chance the Evil Government and their stormtroopers might’ve had for an easy conquest began to unravel here on this first day, when valuable information was obtained by the burgeoning resistance movement:

As of now, I’m not sure whether my network of informants will be able to keep providing me with the reliable updates and other intel from behind enemy lines. Whatever I get, I’ll be sure to pass on to my fellow patriots. Stand tall, brothers and sisters of liberty, and whatever you do, don’t trust anything you might hear from “official outlets.” You know how that can go…….


(Yes, I had way more fun with this today than some folks might consider normal, or healthy.)


About Dayton Ward

New York Times bestselling word pusher. Husband. Dad. Trekkie. Rush fan (the band). Tampa Bay Bucs fan. Observer/derider of human behavior. Immortal for a limited time.
This entry was posted in jokes, politics, stupid news, stupid people, stupid shit. Bookmark the permalink.

10 Responses to Jade Helm sitrep: D-Day.

  1. Doug Daniel says:


    I’m counting on you for accurate and unbiased reporting of this ongoing crisis.


  2. Linn Payne says:

    I had only snippets of time between meetings & showings today, but I made a point to check your FB page throughout the day. I had to see what important information you’d been able to garner about this unprovoked invasion of the Sovereign State of TEXAS! Your fine reporting skills are appreciated 😉
    I’ve had a rather unpleasant week or so, and needed the humor. In other words, thank you for making me laugh all day long.


  3. archersangel says:

    i checked out the twitter tag. you couldn’t make up this kind of craziness.


  4. BrainRants says:

    At least you got closer to the action than some reporters did in Baghdad. I’m blase about this operation, personally. At least they didn’t name it “Purple Helm.”


  5. Pingback: Jade Helm is over. VICTORY! | The Fog of Ward

  6. Pingback: Looking back at my 2015. | The Fog of Ward

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