The spam I get.

So, this gem appeared in the email inbox this morning, under the subject heading “Editorial” –


I hope you’re having a nice day.

We are interested in sending over a quality and relevant article to your site as a contribution. We have a team of writers ready to prepare a post that adds value to your site and its readers.

Is this something you might consider? If yes, I can email over the article asap. Rest assured that it will be subject to your review. Please note that we’ll also add references to our client.

Aside from the article, we will also pay an administrative fee worth $100 for your trouble.

Please email me back if this is something that might interest you.

Looking forward to hearing from you.

[Name Redacted]

My first reaction?


Apparently, the sender thinks my blog/site is just so gosh-darned awesome, they have a “team of writers” standing by, like operators hoping I’ll call to order one of those garden hoses that doesn’t kink or that spray-on crap that lets you cover holes in boats or whatever. Not only that, but they’re concerned for you, dear reader, because they’re prepared to write a “quality” and “relevant” article that “adds value” to my site and you, because until they searched the wilderness and found me, I was hopelessly wasting your time.

I’m not saying they’re wrong, mind you. I mean, look at this place. It’s a pimple in the ass crack of the internet, for crying out loud.

Therefore, with that in mind and in the interests of doing whatever I can to further enhance the experience for you, my devoted blog reader, I replied with this:


This sounds like a terrific idea! I’m sure that after your review of my site and its reader comments, you’ve learned that the three things discussed the most here are bacon, Star Trek, and porn, with occasional diversions toward the occult, climate change, and whether Dick Sargent or Dick York made the better Darren.

If you’ve already reviewed my site and prepared an article tapping into this particular zeitgeist in a manner that only my readers can fully appreciate, and doing so better than I’ve been able to accomplish to this point, I can’t wait to read it.


Can’t wait to see what happens next.


About Dayton Ward

Freelance word pusher. Husband. Dad. Trekkie. Rush fan (the band). Tampa Bay Bucs fan. Observer/derider of human behavior. I know where my towel is.
This entry was posted in spam, stupid shit. Bookmark the permalink.

9 Responses to The spam I get.

  1. Dick York! Definitely, with a plate of bacon, wearing g a Starfleet shirt…


  2. G.B. Miller says:

    Man, you get some of the best spam. All I get is notices for failure to pay a toll with my E-Z Pass.


  3. vhosking says:

    Be careful you may get an article on ED. I hear it’s common for men over 40.


  4. vegasgustan says:

    Dick Sargent should have gone into gay porn. His name is already a gay porn star’s wet dream!


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