From: Federation Department of Temporal Investigations, Section 1701
To: Dayton Ward – Author, Rouser of Rabble
Subj: WHAT THE ACTUAL HELL?
1. We have completed a comprehensive review of the report you recently submitted, which details a mission undertaken in the year 2386 (Old Earth Calendar) by the U.S.S. Enterprise, NCC-1701-E, in the region identified as the Odyssean Pass.
2. What the fuck did we just read?
3. Seriously. This memorandum serves as our official notice that no one in this agency has the first damned clue what you were smoking when you compiled this mess. What are we supposed to do with this frappin’ thing?
4. We can’t even.
5. You broke the LCARS. Do you know that? How does that even happen?
6. We are dispatching a team of investigators to your location in order to conduct a thorough debriefing. Your competency to continue in your current role as a freelance Federation and Starfleet historian will be determined at that time.
7. Our agents prefer Pepsi products. Plan accordingly.
8. Regardless of any final judgments or determinations, know that you suck.
Senior Case Officers, Department of Temporal Investigations
P.S. You really do suck.