Spock & McCoy: Together again (Just because.)

Okay, I admit up front that this is an exercise in complete self-indulgence. I’ve been feeling off all day, today, for what I’m sure are obvious reasons. One of the recurring themes I’ve seen in the various tributes to Leonard Nimoy I’ve encountered here and there across the social media sphere are pictures showing him with William Shatner and/or DeForest Kelley. Smiles and laughter are usually present, made all the more charming when it’s Nimoy in character as Spock with a wide grin.

This of course started me to thinking about the numerous memorable scenes between any or all of these three actors, including the “arguments” between Spock and Doctor McCoy over the years. De Kelley passed away back in 1999, and I’ve often wondered–had he stayed with us a while longer–whether he and Nimoy might have seen fit to create some kind of 2-man performance for conventions, the way Nimoy and John DeLancie did with their Spock vs. Q show, and continue the good-natured ribbing between Spock and McCoy.

Man. That might’ve been something to see.

Anyway, I was reminded of a bit of Trek-related humor I’d read years ago, way back when on the message boards of the America Online service. It was a bit where someone had taken the classic Abbot and Costello “Who’s on First?” routine and translated it so that it was “performed” by Kirk, Spock, McCoy and Scotty, with Spock playing the part of Costello and Kirk, McCoy, and Scotty dividing the Abbott part between them.

For whatever reason, I thought about that routine tonight, and decided to write a new version for just Spock and McCoy. Why? Mostly just to make myself smile and chuckle a bit, I suppose. I make no claim to the original idea; I just gave it my own spin. Yes, it’s goofy, but work with me, here.

Imagine, if you will, two old friends reunited after a long separation…..


“Spock! You have no idea how happy I actually am to see you.”

“Good day, Doctor McCoy. It is agreeable to see you again. I trust you are well.”

“I’m doing better now. Care for a snort?”

“Is that one of your infamous alcoholic concoctions?”

“You’re damned right. I always did make the finest Mint Juleps this side of the Neutral Zone. I like to sit back and sip on one when I watch a game.”

“Game? You are referring to baseball? It was my understanding that this sport ceased to be of interest to humans sometime in the mid-21st century.”

“Don’t believe everything you here or see on some old TV show. Here, have a seat.”

“I must confess that I am unfamiliar with the intricacies of this particular game.”

“Don’t worry, Spock. I’ll teach you.”

“I am aware of the basic premise, Doctor, though I do not recognize the teams currently engaged in this contest.”

“No problem. Right now, we’re watching the Pike City Pioneers and the Cestus Comets. I’m pulling for the Pioneers.”

“Very well. Are there particular players who exhibit exceptional skill that I should be watching?”

“The whole line-up is solid, Spock. Look over there. Who’s on first.”

“I am afraid I am not familiar with the team’s roster, Doctor.”

“That’s why I’m telling you. Who’s on first.”

“Who?”

“Yes.”

“Who is the first baseman?”

“Yes.”

“You are being most evasive, Doctor. All I am asking is what is the name of the first baseman.”

“No, What’s on second.”

“I am not asking you who is on second base.”

“Who’s on first.”

“Can we please ascertain the identity of one player at a time, Doctor?”

“This is what I’m trying to tell you, Spock.”

“Then who is on first base?”

“Right.”

“Doctor, what is the name of the man on first base?”

“What’s on second, Spock.”

“I am not asking you who is on second base.”

“Who’s on first.”

“I do not know.”

“No, no, hang on. He’s on third.”

“How have we progressed to discussing third base?”

“You brought him up, Spock.”

“I made no inquiries about who is assigned to third base.”

“Damn it, Spock. Who’s on first.”

“What is the name of the player on first base?”

“What’s on second.”

“I do not know.”

“He’s on third.”

“I do not know the name of the man on third base.”

“Yes.”

“What?”

“What’s on second, Spock.”

“I was not asking you who is on second base, Doctor.”

“Who’s on first.”

“I do not know.”

“I already told you he’s on third.”

“This conversation is most illogical, Doctor. Perhaps we can discuss your team’s pitcher.”

“Tomorrow.”

“I beg your pardon.”

“Tomorrow.”

“Would it not be more sensible to discuss the identity of your pitcher today?”

“Today?”

“Yes.”

“He’s our catcher, Spock.”

“What is your catcher’s name?”

“No, What’s on second.”

“I have moved on from asking who is on second base, Doctor.”

“Who’s on first.”

“I do not know.”

“He’s on third, Spock!”

“Doctor McCoy, upon further consideration, I believe I will avail myself of one of your Mint Juleps.”

“Now you’re finally making some sense.”

“…. fascinating.”

spock-mccoy


With apologies to the great Bud Abbott and Lou Costello.

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About Dayton Ward

Freelance word pusher. Husband. Dad. Trekkie. Rush fan (the band). Tampa Bay Bucs fan. Observer/derider of human behavior. I know where my towel is.
This entry was posted in jokes, ramblings, trek, tributes. Bookmark the permalink.

10 Responses to Spock & McCoy: Together again (Just because.)

  1. Gary Lum says:

    I am just so sad. The world is not the same without Leonard Nimoy.

    Like

  2. Byron Bailey says:

    Thanks. That was a little bit of joy this morning and was welcomed after a lot of sadness yesterday. I’ll have you know both their voices were in my head as I read it.

    Like

  3. Pingback: February writing wrap-up. | The Fog of Ward

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  5. joe Farhi says:

    Hi,

    I just finished Elusive Salvation. What at awesome story!!! You roped in so many interesting story lines.

    I would love to see this book as a movie. There is so much great material in there. Yes we can even use the new timeline with the story line, it would work out great. Can you imagine Chris Pine as Kirk, fighting the Ptaens!!..

    Thanks again.

    Joe

    Liked by 1 person

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