The scene earlier tonight, in Atlanta:
Falcons 56 – Bucs 14
No, that’s a real score.
Honestly I have no (more) words to describe what I just watched tonight. In front of a national–nay, global–audience, my beloved Tampa Bay Buccaneers basically laid down on the turf at the Georgia Dome and presented themselves, animal kingdom style.
I mean, holy shit.
When I said “I have no (more) words,” this refers to the fact that I used up most of my best ones during the game itself, which I decided to live Tweet (more or less) in a desperate bid to avoid having to go shopping for another bottle of vodka so soon after my last purchase. If the cashier at the store knows you by your name and preferred label, it may be time to rein that in a bit, right?
So, rather than the pointless blather which usually fills this space in place of critical football analysis, I instead give you my Tweets from the game:
After the Falcon’s opening drive to start the game, which resulted in a touchdown:
“I’m guessing the
#Bucs defense is still in the locker room or something?”
Then I started rolling….
#Bucs are making a great case for an NFL version of the Mercy Rule.”
And later, as the aforementioned train came off the rails….
“I love how the Falcons aren’t easing up. 35-0 with under a minute to play in the half, but they’re going for more, because fuck everybody :D”
#Bucs get the ball first in the second half, so you Falcons just need to buckle up and…..STOP LAUGHING.”
“Backup quarterback Mike Glennon just rushed for more yards on one play than the Bucs offense managed in the entire first half.”
#Bucs turned the ball over again. ‘It’s a bold strategy, Cotton. Let’s see if it pays off for ’em.'”
When the Falcons were up 42-0 early in the third quarter:
“I think the
#Bucs have let the whole “Lure the Falcons Into A False Sense of Security” thing drag on a bit too long.”
At which point, I had thrown in the towel….
“I’m pretty sure the
#Bucs are hoping for that global killer asteroid right about now.”
“The ghost of John McKay was just spotted on the
#Bucs sideline, swatting all the Gatorade cups off tables.”
“Jim Nance: “That is an embarrassment, right there.” What, you mean compared to the rest of the game to this point?
Then, all of a sudden, the Bucs were scoring!
#Bucs are done screwing around. Really.”
“At this point, I’m just hoping one my Tweets gets picked up by the
#Bucs site’s “Social Rewind” feature”
And then they scored again, intercepting a Matt Ryan pass and running it in for the TD!
“Okay, Falcons. Throw seven more picks just like that.
But it was, of course, far too little too late….
“If I’m Lovie Smith, I’m thinking I open my post-game press conference with a puppet show or something.
And so it goes.
piledriver ass-pounding loss drops Tampa to 0-3, and in ten days’ time they’ll be traveling to Pittsburgh to take on the Steelers. The win elevates the Falcons to 2-1 and a possible tie for first place in the NFC South division, pending Carolina’s Sunday night game against those same Steelers. So, you know….go Pittsburgh!