Ask Dayton #87 on the G and T Show: “The Abominable Klingon-Yeti Discombobulation”

Well, hey! It’s Sunday. Again.

Naturally, that means another slam-bang action-filled episode of the Sunday G and T Show, with Nick Minecci, Terry Lynn Shull and Mike Medeiros talking about all sorts of things, at least some of it pertaining to various aspects of the Star Trek universe.

That’s what’s on the flyer, anyway.

What did they talk about today? Beats the shit out of me. I slept in, this morning.

Besides, I know why you’re here.

Dear Dayton,

As a master of explanation and description in Star Trek lore I’m sure you have been faced with describing aliens such as Klingons to people who don’t know what a Klingon appearance looks like.

However when I think of Klingons the term Yeti does not come my mind. I recently got my girlfriend to play Star Trek Online with me. While she is not a fan of the Star Trek shows, nor the game, she does claim that Worf is her favorite character in TNG.

In Star Trek Online recently they had Michael Dorn do a voiceover as Worf in the featured episode called “Sphere of Influence.” The first thing she said is, “I remember this Yeti (as she follows him around the mission map while talking to me on Skype). He is my favorite character from that Star Trek show with the bald guy my sister made me watch with her years ago.”

My question to you is how do you explain to people such as her the difference in appearance of Klingons and Yetis?

Live Long and Prosper,
Weapon Alpha

It’s questions like these that make me wonder if we’re not straying too far into “Hey! Let’s see what we can make him do for a Scooby Snack!” territory.

Okay, so it sounds like we’ve got ourselves something of a “silhouette recognition” dilemma here. So, here’s my suggestion: Get yourself one or more pictures of Worf, and one or more pictures of a Yeti (No, I don’t know where the fuck to get a picture of a goddammed Yeti. Google that shit.). Also, get yourself a picture of Sasquatch. I recommend one of his publicity headshots from “The Secret of Bigfoot” episode of The Six Million Dollar Man.

Once you’ve assembled your little collage, perform the following exercise:

  1. Point to a picture of Worf.
  2. Say, “This is a Klingon.”
  3. Point to a picture of a Yeti.
  4. Say, “This is a Yeti.”
  5. Point to a picture of Saquatch.
  6. Say, “This is Bigfoot.” Now, show the picture to those guys from Finding Bigfoot, because they suck at this, too.
  7. Repeat Steps 1-6 as many times as needed. I’ll wait.
  8. Not really.

If, for some reason, this bit of hip-pocket instruction fails to equip your girlfriend with the skills needed to distinguish these dudes in the wild, then my fallback plan is a simple test:

  1. Set up a marksmanship target, at a close to moderate distance. Don’t make it too easy, but we don’t want to be here all day, right? And be sure to observe proper range safety rules at all times, yo.
  2. Give Worf and the Yeti each their own phaser. Set them to stun. Range deaths generate a lot of paperwork, and I don’t want to miss the game.
  3. Ready on the right? Ready on the left? All ready on the firing line.
  4. Have them commence firing on the target. I’d duck, but that’s just me.
  5. The first one to hit the target is the Yeti. As any Star Trek fan knows, Worf couldn’t hit water if he fell out of a fucking boat.

Also, that whole bit about Worf being your girlfriend’s favorite character? Yeah. I hate to be the one to say this, but I think she may be bullshitting you, bro. Sounds to me like she’s just offering words of fake encouragement while she sits on the couch, texting all her friends while you play computer games and telling them she should’ve hooked up with that guy she met at the gym. Yeah, the one who can bench press Worf.

So, you know, Qapla’, and all that.

This question and its answer was read during G&T Show Episode #121 on December 1st, 2013. You can hear Nick read the answers each week by listening live, or check out the replay/download options when the episode is loaded to their website: The Sunday G&T Show. Listeners are also encouraged to send in their own questions, one of which will be sent to me each week for a future episode.

Thanks as always to Nick, Terry and Mike and the audience for making me a part of their show.


Lay it on me.

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