Contributing to our collective slide into the moral abyss isn’t something I get to do very often, you know.
But, that’s precisely what blogger and fellow word-pusher H.E. Ellis asked me to do when she presented the idea of F*cked Up Fairy Tales, in which she proposed taking popular fairy tales and putting…um…”unconventional” spins on said yarns. When I first read her blog post about this project, I literally (yes, in the literal sense of that oft-misused word) laughed out loud, because my brain–twisted, tortured and misguided as it is–immediately began conjuring ideas for what sort of story I might write. Eventually, I settled on two notions. The first was re-inventing Pinocchio as a cyborg assassin (which I still might do, one of these days), but the other idea….the one involving Peter Pan and other characters from Neverland, is what I decided to go with.
The result was a little thing I opted to call “Peter Pan and the Tramp Stamp Treasure Map.” This misguided assemblage of words and phrases is just one of 19 stories comprising the inaugural volume of H.E.’s now unleashed tome of indecency, F*cked Up Fairy Tales, and which is now available for sale in various e-Book formats via Smashwords for the mere pittance of 99 cents.
Having read some of the stories H.E. ended up getting, each of them having a new go at a time-worn tale of old, I concluded that–as tends to happen whenever I try one of these things–mine is one of the tamer stories included in the volume. That said, the simple posting of the story’s opening line in this space was enough to drive at least one blog reader screaming for the hills, but not before letting me know that he wondered how I explained my job to my children and that he’d be praying for me, which is really just code for “You’re going to burn in Hell, and I’m going to make popcorn and watch.” What was this line of evil I dared to commit to the aether?
Peter knew shit was getting out of hand even before Captain Hook snapped Tinker Bell’s G-string.
Somebody call Satan, and make sure my room’s ready. I hate having to check my bags and wander the Strip because they’re behind with housekeeping.
Anyway, congrats to H.E. for assembling this little ditty. As the book’s disclaimer says, it has achieved Smashwords’ “Adult Content Rating,” and contains content considered unsuitable for readers 17 and under, and which may be offensive to some readers of all ages.” Or, really, decent people everywhere.
Consider yourselves warned, yo.
For those wondering, a second volume containing even more crazy tales is being assembled as we speak. Why? Because what good’s getting a ticket to Hell if you can’t qualify for the seat upgrade?