Because my friend and generally loveable human being Orenthal Hawkins posed this question over on Twitter:
I actually tried to answer this question once, many many years ago back when I was a “volunteer staff member” in the old Star Trek Club on America Online, and because I apparently am incapable of throwing anything away:
Subject: Possible topic?
Date: Fri, Jun 12, 1998 17:53 EDT
From: STFC Net (Me, back in the day)
Here’s an idea, taking a cue from the recent stuff I’ve heard about the “Spock and Q” stage show….
Suppose Spock and Tuvok were in a debate about…..say……how many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Roll Tootsie Pop? How might that dialogue go?
Tuvok: “The answer can only be approximated, given the sheer number factors involved in the equation. For example, one must consider the size of the licker’s tongue, combined with the amount of force employed by the tongue across the surface of the Tootsie Roll Tootsie Pop. This will of course affect the dissolution rate of the hard candy shell, which must occur in order to allow the licker access to the chewy center.”
Spock: “You are overlooking the human propensity for impatience, Tuvok. It is highly probable that a human licker will opt to forgo the ritualistic nature of licking the Tootsie Roll Tootsie Pop, and instead employ the incisor and molar teeth to accelerate the process of penetrating the shell.”
Tuvok: “That is, of course, correct. However, the condition of the human licker’s teeth will also not be an absolute, based in part on the quality of dental hygiene practiced by the human licker, as well as the resultant decay in the aftermath of prior sessions with previous Tootsie Roll Tootsie Pops.”
And so it goes……anybody else? ;D
— Net (in one of those weird moods today….)
So, as you can see, a dialogue was begun, but the Ultimate Answer still seems to elude us.
UPDATE: This blog posting caught the eye of the savvy Tootsie Rolls/Tootsie Pops social media wizard over on Twitter, and this conversation ensued:
(Click to see the full size image over at ow.ly)
I still don’t know the identity of the person behind the Twitter handle, but I think we all can agree that this bit went above and beyond whatever might be listed under their job description. If nothing else, it was delightfully whimsical and unexpected.
(Note: “Khan” is now spelled correctly, when you click on the link.)
UPDATE, August 28th: This arrived today, courtesy of the aforementioned awesome Tootsie Pops social media guru:
A pretty cool capper to what started off as a goofy little diversion, don’t you think?