Ask Dayton #75 on the G&T Show: “The Tournament of Doctors.”

Hey! It’s Sunday!

Yes, that means another episode of the Sunday G&T Show, hosted by friends Nick Minecci, Terry Lynn Shull and Mike Medeiros. Discussing the latest happenings from across the Star Trek franchise, including updates for Star Trek Online, books and other merchandise, and the upcoming BIG-ASSED CONVENTION next month in Las Vegas.

Oh, and there was an “Ask Dayton” question this week, as well. Can you believe I’ve done SEVENTY-FREAKIN’-FIVE of these things?

I think it’s way past time for a raise, people, particularly after having to deal with something like this week’s query:

Hi Dayton!

So, how was NASA Mr. Big Shot A#1 Cool Guy?

So I was thinking, how would you call the following brackets if this were a cage fight tournament:

Dr. No vs. Dr. Octopus Dr. Evil vs. Dr. Phil Dr. Demento vs. Dr. Strange Dr. Bunsen Honeydew vs. Dr. Doolittle Dr. Hawkeye Pierce vs. Dr. Spock and “Doctor, My Eyes” by Jackson Browne vs. “Doctor, Doctor” by The Thompson Twins

I look forward to seeing how the Tournament of Doctors is decided!

First, our trip to NASA was phenomenal, thanks very much. You can read a totally too-wordy blow by blow right here on my blog: The Fog of Ward – “So, About That Houston Trip….”

Okay, so about this “Tournament of Doctors” you want me to construct: It’s a collection of pop culture icons, of course, but I find it rather lacking. I mean, where’s Dr. Shrinker? Dr. Strangelove? Dr. Feelgood? And how can we forget the greatest doctor of them all, the…um…Doctor? I know, I can hear you asking, “Doctor? Doctor who?”


Anyway, I’m a professional, and I cook with whatever ingredients I’m given, so here goes nothing. Behold, yo:

Yes, that’s right: I even provided visual aids. RAISE, PEOPLE.

Anyway, how did I arrive at my selections?

First Round:

I decided that Dr’s No, Evil, Octopus and Phil were the top seeds in this particular event.

Dr. Demento beats Dr. Strange, because I never liked the Dr. Strange character. Fuck him.

Dr. Honeydew over Dr. Doolittle, because anything associated with Eddie Murphy that’s not Axel Foley deserves to be trounced.

Dr. Pierce beats Dr. Spock, because Hawkeye’s got the better Groucho Marx impersonation. Also, martinis.

“Doctor, My Eyes” wins over “Doctor, Doctor” because, quite frankly, New Wave music makes me want to jam pencils through my ear drums.

Second Round:

Dr. No over Dr. Demento. Death rays, yo.

Dr. Evil beats Dr. Honeydew, but I suspect this match will go the distance. Never underestimate a Muppet, people.

Dr. Octopus over Dr. Pierce, mostly due to that whole “I’ve got mechanical tentacles that can pull your brain out through your asshole,” thing.

Dr. Phil wins over “Doctor, My Eyes” by default, because Jackson Brown would throw himself in front of a bus before having to endure one of those lectures.

Semi Final Round:

Dr. Evil in a surprise upset of Dr. No, thanks to a last-minute bribe of the Death Ray operator. How much did that cost? You guessed it: “One meeeeeelion dollars.”

Dr. Octopus beats Dr. Phil, owing to the aforementioned tentacles. Besides, I think we all can agree that seeing Doc Ock de-brain Dr. Phil via rectal-oscopy is the match for which everyone will be wanting tickets.


Despite another attempt at bribery, the pit crew for Dr. Octopus’ tentacles hates Mike Meyers for what he did to the Austin Powers and Wayne’s World movies, so while they pocket the payoff, Dr. Evil still gets his own shit-stained brain handed to him.

The winner: Dr. Octopus!

But then, Dr. Horrible walks in and stops Dr. Octopus with his Freeze Ray.

And that, ladies and gents, is how we do that.

:: mic drop ::

This question and its answer was read during G&T Show Episode #101 on July 7th, 2013. You can hear Nick read the answers each week by listening live, or check out the replay/download options when the episode is loaded to their website: The Sunday G&T Show. Listeners are also encouraged to send in their own questions, one of which will be sent to me each week for a future episode.

Thanks as always to Nick, Terry and Mike and the audience for including me in the show.


Lay it on me.

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