Ask Dayton #71 on the G&T Show: “And…we’re back.”

Previously on “Ask Dayton,” for those of you who missed it:

Hey, it’s Sunday, which means another episode of the Sunday G&T Show hosted by friends Nick Minecci and Terry Lynn Shull, with tech guru Mike Medeiros holding the whole thing together with duct tape and spit.

Heads up for all you folks wanting to avoid spoilers for the new Star Trek film and assuming you didn’t hear the live broadcast, beware when listening to any replay that the show is filled with spoilers. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.

And hey! “Ask Dayton” made its so-called triumphant return, following a two-week sabbatical thanks to my traveling and other behind-the-scenes shenanigans. At least one listener seemed to notice my absence:

Dear Dayton,

It’s been several weeks since we had an “Ask Dayton,” so I ask simply, what’s new in the World of Ward? Anything new you can share with us?

Also, summer is approaching, so do you have any BBQ secrets to share with us grill warriors? Is there anything you do special when grilling, or any (almost) secrets you can share to help make our time forced…um, happily spent with family, more enjoyable?

“World of Ward?” Sounds like a shitty online computer game, huh?

Yes, listeners of the G and T show have benefited from something of a breather from the usual waste of words, ideas, and oxygen that is me foisting yet another of these things upon you, week after agonizing week. For those of you who enjoyed the respite…well, tough. Break’s over, yo.

What have I been up to these past couple of weeks? Well, first there was our annual trip to Denver for the big-assed Starfest Convention. We’ve been doing that con for over a decade now, and every show is as much if not more fun than the last. We have lots of friends and fans there, we make more friends and fans each year while we’re there, my kids like all the costumes and other stuff going on, and we sell a few books along the way.

While I was in Denver, the cover for my upcoming Star Trek novel, From History’s Shadow, was revealed. For those of you who haven’t yet seen it, let me describe it for you: IT’S FUCKING AMAZEBALLS DRIPPING WITH FUCKING AWESOME SAUCE. If we were to grade book covers the same way Hustler rates porn videos, this cover is “Fully Erect,” all right?

Of course, I’m probably a tad biased. Sue me.

So, moving on: You say summer’s approaching, huh? Tell it to Mother Nature, that bi-polar bitch, who decided to make it snow this past Thursday, May 2nd. Rule of Thumb, weather people: If I’ve been cutting the grass for a month, IT’S NOT ALLOWED TO FUCKING SNOW ANYMORE. Somebody bring me the head of Punxsutawney Phil. That overfed shitbag rodent was so far off the mark he makes Karl Rove sound like Nostradamus.

Anyway, after the fucking snow melts, I’ll partake of various outdoor pursuits. There’s the yard work, of course. I actually hate tending to my lawn. I don’t mind the mowing and edging and that sort of thing, but I’m not one of those guys who obsesses over every blade of grass. As long as the shit isn’t growing up the side of my house looking for a way in so that it can eat me, I’m okay with it. I keep it cut and neat, but when it comes to hedges, flower beds, and other plants and whatnot, I’d be happy if all that disappeared one night, and was replaced by an army of yard gnomes all making lewd gestures as they stared at neighbors and other passersby.

As for sports, I’m kind of between the ones I follow at the moment. Football season is months away, and I gave up caring about basketball years ago. I don’t watch hockey, and I can’t stand golf or NASCAR. I do like volleyball, be it indoors or on the beach, but neither of those starts for several months, either. Baseball is in full swing right now, but I’m only a casual fan, which is really odd when you consider that Bull Durham is perhaps my all-time favorite sports movie. I don’t follow the teams or the standings or any of that, but I understand the game and can enjoy it from time to time. I’ll even go to the ballpark to catch a game, say with friends or co-workers, should opportunity present itself. If anything, I do enjoy going to watch minor league teams play. There’s an intimacy and sense of community at those smaller parks that can’t be replicated at the larger stadiums. However, regardless of their size, baseball parks are the place to go for the best-tasting hot dogs.

Which brings us to food.

I may well find time to do some grilling. Like most healthy, red-blooded American men, I enjoy the smell of animal flesh roasting over hot coals while basted in barbecue sauce. I have no secrets in this department, or any notable expertise. I lay the meat on the grill and flip it around a few times until it stops complaining, after which I brush some sauce and other spices onto it before shoving as much of it as will fit into my face. With a beer chaser. I then repeat this process until I slip into a coma, after which I wake up and watch the rest of whatever game might be on. Oh, and that coma? Yeah, it tends to help out with the whole “interacting with other people” thing. Your mileage may vary.

Of course, now I’m hungry.

Anybody want to go to the ball park for a hot dog?


This question and its answer was read during G&T Show Episode #92 on May 5th, 2013. You can hear Nick read the answers each week by listening live, or check out the replay/download options when the episode is loaded to their website: The Sunday G&T Show. Listeners are also encouraged to send in their own questions, one of which will be sent to me each week for a future episode.

Thanks as always to Nick, Terry and Mike for keeping me in the loop.

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About Dayton Ward

Freelance word pusher. Husband. Dad. Trekkie. Rush fan (the band). Tampa Bay Bucs fan. Observer/derider of human behavior. I know where my towel is.
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