Spam doesn’t even try, anymore.

There used to be a time when spam, if it didn’t just offer up a link to some bullshit product, at least attempted to look like a “real” blog comment or message board post. You might’ve had to read a bit to figure out that you were dealing with mass-produced cowshit designed to entice you to follow a link down some hole.

Then, the text accompanying the links devolved a bit, as though someone fed their cat a dictionary and waited for said feline to horf up random words and phrases.

But now? What in the name of Jupiter’s uncut cock is THIS hot mess supposed to accomplish? I quote:

“cdqeakhksqupcticjydgnpzwetonlxazzuyojealmmrytdpnhsmsprngdblnneomwwbikgbww dr dre beats svgzxhfv ebyctnvqa ctpetk peiplzghj luandz jqaqhzebc qduerg tmsgivtch iwhjeh xtdioqhxy fvjkfo mtrhzynqb sdwuid dpuygtzsk ynavlq eqtozgqap krkscv rokejsgah dmexri cxldskyna ductad piwdnecym eepcmn uueovxiut tludpv dxvcfzccj iuspcq kyqtjlhjd chislz jedoqpiyp ccazsz czpzslfvn zawsdo rjzotkypr ehjthr yiqevnmce ujtunl muyhhwrja rtrtzr lawzudhoo eoeabt sixjczykg ydabhe jjmnvrhlk cqnuzm fynglokxa cvutnf aberuicmx tqcqsp muhyirsab ojgrrr rdjzamreo xkdzdx beats by dre mtgtrbfe iolsdbycn pcsqhnxazkigtia pvuhjh tlevymrkq utgrhf hdjpaqyes qerosu qhhbickut hoapuu afhjjhtog fzfeyt tmhxdrtdd ralfox psonrhtgj vktodw hbevqqqwg zlvztt tbbesfpfl tixfxp endapofsn gycotz ecjalhpuu rgbpgi rmvamdfsx wpnxjp rdxuujwrp aoidpm fdxqiqzsn oxnzhh atqmeevfk jkbxca vqfterngu zqotuw gjsbltlgx gzwwjo dugdndbia gpbyoi ktdmmpqrg rwvjef stslnokzu ndnuzm qvrhoztin qjwcti rxekixiqc smgwmg qpdvqjili eeznzn nkhpgcuel tuodry cheap beats by dre lvdpbxbd jjcmvztjw ksxtku rfleypeoo aficdm gyerzrzoj hldhxc amlhskffq uckczm xgbtipjit cheap beats by dre rrremx bjrvwpaor mnbphw khsbuxijw agnkzz dfheluvvw aeipja miszuqrmd utafmk piegkoduu vqpjou abklghuga jgfnrn hlqpvtptn dvmilr ablnwgxaa etmlfo toizybarr gqbtlw qhqirhxwa habyhd ybxqwehzf ohtbse jhqmw cheap beats by dre zsgl gwfvkh fgsxpjvjd ejxphr wyrlzyzlx zeaqxj fecasacae crzesf bfavytqee awzpph zecegtwjp casreb ldiztuwpn bnlphv hzlbbuufs sragij rqkghsybp yfcne cheap beats by dre p kszxgcxmo ekgacbkoccpl ucxj ojkfmptyd lvpf kgzyzlaze rmlq yugxxfnbc chga sjvjicrup vkdw qjoghplcx bykf bfninutdl jpay wbimxmfez kxth lotbypooe aobs zczzwthcm zfrx vmdqiafufkxolrseaffzeqzkfqbobrvsquxlvtpuqitfbqjqyqzyxx cheap beats by dre  wkwxuvjq xabkzrame plgctb kaqiektlm sodsjs onjicydtf zqzsjm ttvcjpyoo bmfgur xbcmsgzhq mapkch xaeqwyudw lhvliv xpoquykoa lulalx qlohmixnj ogyrhi pizswrugx udjgjo nqgjpgzxw vjdhpb hvyygmaug mvzwzk zhhcuogcp kajyqv lupxyqvkk epgtlx uljlfkdlr jvijyi picsrndke bnixdd xhbxkwywh xzngxd ryuxqvwzn hrfsql roymhrnir aipsys twkswborm wehkel gdnndgdms lcnlut ixictsaoy oapywo gjoowfyqg mfjfjy tysxsnvwd gieuhm rakptriek yiztet igxynrfrg ltfrem skxxuouul jqzvkd cheap beats by dre qwkmqhrf ysybtkbjq txpztgwrkjjooud vvpmsu ndlnyedfg qkmeem icmtnhrxv ygrnvp ysrfxvdqc rtctcb cjmubbqdf unurce altunrtul tqpkwz qujaebhxd hutexn gtuwztxqw emgfao pokjhztmt elcdjs mztlcoxiu qhspfs yseupudkr mvnnnu ivvvbwrnk nawwxv evagcbkkz gzapbs zzvfvgpzr xvotwa ylwufcovr qbyken bbncsdcbq bvfkos zizmknokg yhezuh gylixcqlt mwtmgh yfjjrijtf efkpbu bogugudiy dzufmj rogpiwkjt ukdykf exkbkrvda cbkbip frivjoslm jzxogg jxzsrrnfl duulbp cheap beats by dre agqiiuxp awkxslorv sqetdo yecueonom qpmghy xvflgrtqb jnpmjk vadsbxwke tcnexc gdwfycxkq cheap beats by dredwulbd pmlmrqdra nihtfp wtwabiwsz slzspy hizzdigjq ihbcwa ldlfxqqnn lwtwzs uudavyibi aywwvo othqznemt wjmqge cfawmvxoa dciraf tqeatsiku lqzgpd hlqxzkkll kwesde ylsbricrd xpgijl yvpzlxvch nxmabr wdooq cheap beats by dre dxtt iegtqy urohjqhst ewzczs qfmmfuyda coakqs lzqdveswb uqvskp yxubmdutk pxbadx rqrhbrdas hmeqxn gycbmecej nsmufh lejlkevam oxagdq kxunxcuux ltbxs cheap beats by dre t onokmnyka uogiyifddwqd jftg wvnaczgrs lceb vxtwwgyzm lgvy pternylcb cooj ouoxzusma idhb fmidclpvb uspm cdpkfiwbe ypon yyrqesito xpac moejlafda nklh qmaooisvr ldku maqiyuuwt edkm lkbj”

Don’t worry, I checked. It’s all spelled correctly. All the bolded bits are where I disabled the same link to the same site selling the same crappy headphones.

Who the hell thinks sending out crap like this actually works? Has anyone ever admitted to paying for a “service” that involves annoying the shit out of as many people as possible? It only makes me want to hunt down the dicks responsible and provide them with real, worthwhile jobs, like cleaning up peep show booths at strip clubs, or inseminating farm animals.

Dear “Beats by Dr. Dre” – Fuck you and your headphones.

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About Dayton Ward

Freelance word pusher. Husband. Dad. Trekkie. Rush fan (the band). Tampa Bay Bucs fan. Observer/derider of human behavior. I know where my towel is.
This entry was posted in rants, spam, stupid people, stupid shit. Bookmark the permalink.

11 Responses to Spam doesn’t even try, anymore.

  1. gogator1 says:

    Don’t hold back… Tell us how you really feel. I agree 1,000,000,000%! Well-except for the worthwhile jobs part; they deserve to have worse than that! Maybe having the farm animals inseminating them, would be more apropos…

    Like

  2. G. B. Miller says:

    Yeah, I used to get some incredible spam like that on my blog until I decided to stop allowing people to comment anonymously. What finally made me change after almost 4 1/2 years of allowing people to comment anonymously was that I got tired of cleaning out 190+ spam comments every three days out of my spam filter. Even had day where one of my posts gained 120 spam comments in a 24 hour period.

    Spam is good with eggs and nothing else.

    Like

  3. Pete Denton says:

    Well said. I’ve had the same spam about 100 times. Very annoying and very lacking in originality. 🙂

    Like

  4. Josh Ward says:

    I know I’m late to this party, but hopefully you’ll read it. Anyways, the spam is trying to build up the Google AdSense ratings for whatever site it’s hawking. When the search sites trawl through pages, they see “Beats By Dre” linked to whatever the spam site is really often, so when some sucker actually searches for it, Google says “Hey, I know a site that’s all about that!” and posts it at the top of the list.

    Like

    • Dayton Ward says:

      Which I suppose works, assuming the blog/etc where the comments are posted isn’t set to flag/quarantine such comments. I have mine set to hold for moderation anything with more than a certain number of embedded links, for example. These days, I don’t even bother reviewing what’s in there some of the time; I just purge the list. I had something like 125+ spam comments over a 24-hour period over the weekend, and not a single one was anything more than stuff like up above.

      Like

  5. Pingback: Dear SEO spammers: Bite me. | The Fog of Ward

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