Ask Dayton #52 on the G&T Show – “Bacon and porn. Oh my.”

Another Sunday, another episode of the Sunday G&T Show, the Trek-themed internet radio program hosted by friends Nick Minecci and Terry Lynn Shull. Hey: when are you guys just gonna rename it to the GMT Show, and give Mike is much-deserved due?

As for this week’s “Ask Dayton” question, well I have to tell you, folks: We’ve finally descended to that one concentric circle of Hell I’ve been anticipating pretty much since answering the first of these things. Read on, if you dare.

Yo, Dayton,

Ok, your five favorite meals with bacon are…? (I had some bacon wrapped
shrimp tonight that was amazing. And I love a good BLTC…bacon, lettuce,
tomato and cheese). Also, your five favorite porn films, and what sets them apart. Finally, favorite porn to watch while eating something with bacon.

Thanks, yo.

That’s right: Bacon and porn. If you read on past this point, you do so at your own risk.

Mmmmmmmmm. Bacon.

Now, as any connoisseur of bacon knows, you really don’t need to eat it with anything else. Bacon is the perfect food, consumable all on its own without needing the support of other shit littering the plate. Should I count this as one of my five? You’re goddamned right I’m counting it. When I rule the universe, bacon will be its own food group, and the FDA will have minimal consumption guidelines.

So, four more meals, hmmm? Well, longtime listeners of the G&T Show undoubtedly remember my rather lengthy description of the preparation and possible effects of the Original Bacon Explosion. This meal is not for the faint of heart, and ideally should only be consumed by true professionals. Consider this your official warning. I’m not responsible for anything which might happen should you elect to tackle this meal without proper training.

There’s also the classic: bacon and eggs. My favorite way to cook bacon is over a campfire in a cast iron skillet, after which I use some of the grease to cook the eggs up just right. Add in some toast and grits, and I’m…if you’ll pardon the expression…a happy camper.

Bacon as an enhancement to another meal also is a favorite. I love a nice grilled steak wrapped with a couple of bacon strips. A skewer of shrimp wouldn’t go unnoticed or unappreciated, either.

But my absolute favorite bacon-related meal is probably a variation on the BLT sandwich, as served by a local tavern here in Kansas City: the “RugB-LT.” Basically, it’s the classic BLT, but enhanced with melted cheese and a fried egg. Utter perfection, nestled between two slices of thick Texas Toast. If ever I find myself on Death Row, this will be my last meal.

Okay, now that we’ve got that out of the way, it’s time to address the creepy part of the question. Favorite porn films? I tend to migrate toward the ones that show people fucking on camera. Yes, there are big-budget feature-length films aspiring to be something more than a collection of people fucking on camera. There are movies where the caliber of performers is elevated—several levels, in a lot of cases—from the fare to be found on webcam shows and other shoestring videos shot in somebody’s basement or backyard. Once you boil all that away, what’s left? Exactly: people fucking on camera. Actually, I’m happier when it’s just women and no dudes, because by and large dudes don’t know what the fuck they’re doing, or they look like total spastic dumbasses while doing it, and I don’t think they should be learning on the job when I’m trying to watch the girls. Get their hairy, pimply asses out of my line of sight, damn it.

What? I have to name titles? Does anybody even refer to a porn by its title anymore? Titles? Names of actors? Plots? Do people actually waste time pondering stuff like this? It’s like the Pezheads who try to defend their Playboy subscription because of the fiction by A-list authors and the in-depth interviews of some of the most fascinating people from all walks of life. That shit’s fine and all, but you know what? It gets in the way of all the pictures of naked women. And don’t even get me started on the pathetic losers who buy crap like FHM or Maxim, because it has “fashion and fitness tips” or advice on how best to tackle the dating scene, and never mind the scantily-clad but not actually naked women festooning various pages. Fuck you, pansies. If you’re gonna waste money on that shit, at least grow a sack and buy the real, unleaded, high-test skin rags.

Same thing with porn movies possessing so-called plots. Yeah, nowadays we have porn movies with pirates or vampires, murder mysteries or noir thrillers or Star Wars parodies, lavishly produced with actual sets and music and special effects all conspiring to outclass the junior high-school play production values which so characterized the porn days of old. Guess what? Nobody cares about any of that, because they’re fast-forwarding to the parts where people are fucking on camera.

As for what I might look for in a porn film which could set it apart from the plethora of other such flicks littering the landscape? I think more movies should attempt a soliloquy delivered by the headlining actress mid-fellatio. You know, a deep introspective examination of the duality of man, or the thin gray line which is all that separates good from evil. Maybe they could pause before assuming the reverse cowgirl position and read an inspiring passage from The Count of Monte Cristo or, if you’re looking to stay somewhat on topic—Delta of Venus or The Story of O. Of course, if she opts for something from Starship Troopers, I won’t complain.

And what porn might I watch while eating bacon? Anything with Stormy Daniels, I suppose. She and I have an understanding with respect to my bacon fetish. I understand that I like bacon and Stormy Daniels, and I also understand that she has no fucking clue who I am. It’s an odd relationship, but it works for us.

So…anybody gonna eat that bacon?


This question and its answer was read during G&T Show Episode #69 on November 18th, 2012. You can hear Nick read the answers each week by listening live, or check out the replay/download options when the episode is loaded to their website: The Sunday G&T Show. Listeners to the show are also encouraged to send in their own questions, one of which will be sent to me each week for a future episode.

As always, thanks to Nick, Terry, and Mike for continuing to include me in on their fun.

6 thoughts on “Ask Dayton #52 on the G&T Show – “Bacon and porn. Oh my.”

      1. apparently it was a club or secret society at yale for people who couldn’t get into anything else. they supposedly got together to watch porn & eat chicken. i say “apparently” & “supposedly” because some people are stating to think it was a big joke & not a real thing,

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