2012 Presidential Debate #1. (or, “Whuhbuhduhwhuhbuhduh hah?”)

Well, that was interesting.

For those who didn’t watch it, you can read a transcript by clicking on this linky-type thing right here.

The highlights:

  • Romney was the same arrogant, entitled jack-ass accustomed to getting his way and the last word that we expected.
  • Obama came off like the bored college professor a lot of folks worried he’d be, and he fell into the classic “Incumbent First Debate Trap” of not showing up with his A-game.
  • Moderator Jim Lehrer, in a coma for the first 45-50 minutes, was finally resuscitated in time to remind people to check under their seats for their personal belongings before proceeding to the gift shop and the exits.

Simply put, Romney was the louder and more confident of the two. After weeks–nay, months–fellating the extreme right wing and his big-money corporate puppetmasters, his unmitigated gall at re-branding himself as something resembling a centrist seemed to have the desired effect. It caught the president so completely off-guard that I’m sure at one point, he was expecting Romney to pull off a latex mask and reveal himself to be Ashton Kutcher.

It seems pretty clear that the president will win the “fact-checking battle” for this first outing, but as the GOP is on record as not caring about such things, it’s hard to gauge at this point what effect that might have. Meanwhile, from watching both men on stage, it was clear that Romney had Obama’s number early, even though the president was able to rally a bit toward the end.

Nothing I say really matters. Pro-Romney folks will say he won. Pro-Obama folks will say he won. Anybody who was already solidly in either man’s camp at the start of the evening isn’t going anywhere, and I doubt either guy won over too many undecideds, which is what I was guessing would be the result before the thing even started.

So, with that in mind, I decided to be a smart ass and live-Tweet the debate. Here’s a recap of my blatherings:

Things you won’t hear at the #Debate: “NOT COOL, COOKIE.”

Things you won’t hear at the #Debate: “Nice tan.”

Things you won’t hear at the #Debate: “Less filling!” “Tastes great!”

I’m thinking Obama wins the Immunity Challenge tonight. #Debate

Jim Lehrer just warned the audience: “KEEP YOUR SUCKS SHUT, OR WE’RE SENDING YOU TO GITMO.” #Debate

“If both survive the lirpa, the next question will be fielded with the ahn-woon!” #Debate

What happened to the opening musical number? I used to love those. #Debate

I just realized what this #Debate is missing: Statler and Waldorf.

Lehrer to Romney: “THIS IS SPARTA!” #Debate

Where the hell are the #ReplacementRefs when we need them? #Debate


I hope the rumors are true, and there’s a Victoria’s Secret fashion show at halftime. #Debate

Overheard at Romney debate prep: “Trust me. Lie your ass off and reverse everything you’ve ever said. He’ll be speechless.” #Debate

I just realized what this #Debate is missing: A fucking moderator.

Overheard through Lehrer’s hot mic: “I can’t believe I shaved my legs for this shit.” #Debate

Overheard through Lehrer’s hot mic: “Hey, wait! I thought the #Debate was supposed to start at 9pm CENTRAL time!”

Lehrer to Romney and Obama: “TOUCHDOWN CELTICS!” #Debate

We’re just about ready for the lightning round, right? #Debate

We were promised oil wrestling. #Debate

I wish the judges would just move on to the next contestants. #Debate

Lehrer: “You guys keep talking about taxes and healthcare and other stuff, and I’m just over here making some pancakes!” #Debate

I think Jim Lehrer is channeling Clint Eastwood’s chair. #Debate

Jim Lehrer is to #Debate moderation as MTV is to music, or Carrot Top is to comedy.

Obama’s post-game press conference is gonna be six kinds of awkward. That call to go for the 2-point conversion was just stupid. #Debate

And there you go.

The next debate will focus on foreign policy, which should provide its own brand of comedy.


4 thoughts on “2012 Presidential Debate #1. (or, “Whuhbuhduhwhuhbuhduh hah?”)

    1. I’d like to think that Obama was just biden his time (see what I did there?), and letting Romney have all the rope he wanted to hang himself, so he could spend the next two weeks shredding everything he said at this first debate.

      But, I think I know better.


    1. I have a hard time envisioning a scenario where I’d vote for Romney. I’m not particularly thrilled with everything Obama’s done (or not done), but compared to the alternative? I’ll go with the Devil I know.


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