The new year is in full swing, and that means new episodes of the Sunday G&T Show, the weekly Trek-themed podcast hosted by friends Nick Minecci and Terry Lynn Shull!
Due to the holiday break, the show took a couple of Sundays off, and that included the “Ask Dayton” segment. With everything back to running on all cylinders, Nick and Terry offered up the latest news from around the Star Trek franchise, including updates on the new movie, Star Trek Online, and even the updated guest list for this year’s massive Trek convention in Las Vegas.
And, yes, the show’s “Ask Dayton” segment was back. For reasons surpassing understanding, Nick’s idea to have me answer a question (or two) each week has shown that it has legs. So, Nick continues to get questions which seem hell-bent on outdoing the craziness of the prior weeks’ queries. In fact, there were two questions for this week’s show. Actually, there were three, but I held back from providing a response to that one, as I wanted to take a bit more time to contemplate my answers. Whether this is a good or bad thing will be revealed next Sunday.
For now, though? Here’s the first of the two “Ask Dayton” queries from today’s show:
Dear Dayton: Hearing your interviews on various podcasts (and none better than on the G and T Show!) it is clear you are the Most Awesome Man in the World! Can you tell us what it’s like to live in your skin, to actually BE Dayton?
What’s it like being me? Wow. Where to start? “The Most Awesome Man in the World?” That seems kind of restrictive, don’t you think?
I mean, I guess I could try to impress you with stories about the money, hookers, drugs, and rock-n-roll parties which are part and parcel of every writer’s life. That’s right, my friends: In between best-sellers, it’s all about the Benjamins, the Blow, and the Babes. Boo-yah.
I could regale you with tales of monumental book deals where I dip my first advance check into a glass of 100-year old scotch before setting it aflame and using it to light my celebratory cigar.
I could astonish you with mind-blowing anecdotes about flirtatious vixens at convention after book release party after convention, each of them fighting the others in the vain hope of conceiving my next illegitimate child, all while I sign my autograph above that trampy tattoo at the small of her back.
What’s it like to be me? It’s a goddamned burden, that’s what it is. I mean, walking around with powers and abilities far beyond those of mortal men is fine and all, and you’d think I’d have the run of the entire universe. Well, you’re right, I do. There Can Be Only One, and that mother fucker is me.
That guy from the Dos Equis beer ads? He calls me at all hours of the day or night, asking for my advice on how to pick up chicks. The problem is that he always gets into trouble when he fails to heed my sage counsel. Now you know why those commercials are always so badly edited.
Chuck Norris? My bitch. Half of those facts on his website are leftover shit that wasn’t good enough to make my list, so I let him have them because he wanted to revive his career. You see how that worked out, right? There you go. Poseur.
Same with Jack Bauer. You want to know something? I ask him who he works for, and that dickbag tells me. EVERY TIME.
So, let this be a lesson to you: Dayton. Accept no substitutes.
As always, thanks so much to Nick, Terry, and Mike for making me part of their show.