Last week, my friend Nick Minecci, one half of the Sunday G&T Show which he co-hosts with the lovely Terry Lynn Shull, approached me about contributing to a new feature he and Terry had cooked up. Since they were calling it “Ask Dayton,” they figured I might be interested. The premise? Accept questions from the show’s brave listeners, after which Nick and Terry would pick one to send for me to answer. Said answer would be read during the next week’s show. Pretty much any topic is on the table, though I believe G&T imposed at least the limitation that questions not be obscene or anything like that.
I rambled about the notion earlier in the week here.
Anyway, the first question arrived on Friday: “If Dayton had the power of Q, what would he do with such power?”
Hmmm…a rather broad question, just teeming with potential answers. Should I be serious, flippant, or some odd combination of the two? I went with Option C, and quickly constructed an answer which I fired off to Nick yesterday afternoon. I’ve not yet listened to this week’s episode of the show, so I haven’t heard Nick’s reading of my response, but I present it here for your reading pleasure:
If Dayton had the power of Q, what would he do with such power?
Wow, that’s a pretty imposing question, isn’t it? What to do if gifted with all but unlimited power?
The obvious answer is to do some good with it, right? You know, take care of the usual big-ticket wish list items like ending war as well as eradicating disease, poverty, famine and other suffering. It’d be nice to do away with bigotry, hatred, and fear, and while I’m at it I’d probably take the opportunity to bitch-slap those who would use such divisive antics as tools for political or personal gain.
And while I’m at it, I’d return missing children to their parents, and make sure that those listed as missing in action during a war are returned to their native lands so that their families might have closure and at least some measure of peace. I’d heal the sick and the injured, and remove the hardship of struggling just to scrape together the necessities required to simply get by, allowing everyone a greater opportunity to enjoy a life of fulfillment rather than simple survival.
In short, I’d make the world a better place for everyone, rather than just a privileged few. That seems like a worthy use of such power, right?
“Oh, come on, Dayton!” I can hear some people saying. “That’s all nice and good, but what would you really do? You know, just because you could?”
Well, that’s a list which could get long pretty quickly.
- I’d bring back Firefly. If you really need me to supply a reason for this, then my mother says that you and I can’t be friends.
- I’d do away with the Designated Hitter, and I’d go back in time and teach Shaquille O’Neal how to shoot free throws. I’d also go back and ask the Tampa Bay Buccaneers to reconsider those original creamsicle colors.
- The bridge of the original Enterprise would become my living room, and my other car would be the Batmobile from the 60’s Batman series.
- Whoever decided Jersey Shore was a great idea? Yeah, that person would be visited every day by every member of the Micro Wrestling Federation, who would then take turns hitting him in the junk with a baseball bat.
- I would do away with my alarm clock, and instead be awakened every morning with a live performance of Rush. I’ll leave the daily song selection up to them.
- The G&T Show would air on SiriusXM, with a better timeslot.
So, there you go. Thanks to Nick and Terry for inviting me to be part of the fun. Nick said other questions were received, which he’s apparently holding in reserve. Guess we’ll see what we see next Friday, eh?