The following may contain offensive language. Proceed at your own peril.
(443): I just found out that my father was a Human condom for Halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
(937): There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
(757): hey… i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found…
(708): This girls just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
(409): First day at work… I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to asset my dominance.
(434): i can’t believe i had a foursome before a threesome
(810): Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I’m unsure if I still have legs.