The following may contain offensive language. Proceed at your own peril.
(202): i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
(806): So my parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
(717): can’t come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my “generosity.” I’m intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
(703): I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space.
(937): just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
(301): Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
(803): Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
(302): I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
(1-302): You mean inside out.
(302): No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.