The following may contain offensive language. Proceed at your own peril.
(925): Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it’s 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
(720): Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
(603): all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
(510): one might say we’re banned from that church.
(720): you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
(423): so what if he’s got a new girlfriend. the guy i’m fucking has an english accent. i win.
(+26): And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends… Haha, I love when the girls my ex’s are dating are total drunken whores.
(775): So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can’t wait to do X again.