The following may contain offensive language. Proceed at your own peril.
(202): And I emailed 27 girls on jdate between 3 and 4 am
(651): She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered ‘oh i cant do this’ and walked out. She looked like death.
(715): We should party with her soon.
(559): my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding.
(305): So I feel really bad about last night…can i give you a blowjob and we call it even?
(318): i just did my hair and make up to walk the dogs…I hate being the single roommate
(540): she looked like the before picture.
(724): i had a nightmare his facebook changed to ‘in a relationship.’ im just not cut out for this casual fucking.
(902): You never truly know yourself until you’ve seen your own orgasm face.
(419): i just got home, put the tv on a stand up comedian…i’ve been waiting for him to be funny for 15 minutes…i went to the guide, turns out i was watching a church called “The King is Coming”
(714): Letd wlk him
(714): Lrtd walek hime
(714): Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
(859): I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don’t want the whales to do but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
(517): Under the tip section on the receipt I just put my phone number. Not only did she shoot me down, but she tried to charge me $5,172,***,*** for a tip.
(862): i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge.
(267): I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
(808): Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?