The following may contain offensive language. Proceed at your own peril.
(980): you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all.
(613): So, right as I’m cumming, I pull out and go “PYEW PYEW” like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
(908): if mike asks, you don’t know anything about lawn gnomes. more to follow.
(817): I watched Chasing Amy after she left to remind myself that shit’s impossible.
(909): flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
(308): I just walked in on my mom and dad… It wasn’t my dad
(916): He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
(601): Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
(508): i just saved a bunch of money on car insurance by fleeing the scene of an accident