The following may contain offensive language. Proceed at your own peril.
(803): you wouldnt answer to anything but devil’s advocate all night.
(974): You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
(201): Just watched the “over the limit under arrest” commercial…I wish I had a car like one of those.
(716): Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
(856): also, i am the empress of the porch and i am paying people with cookires
(912): You had me at dildo
(720): Yes. She is fat. Her indian name is Dances with Wingman.
(541): Ok I’m gonna masterbate and go to sleep. Send a picture if you want to help. Good night.
(646): My mother just said to me, “I know you and your sister are genetically mine, but I don’t get the ‘i-dont drink-bloody-mary’ thing.”