The following may contain offensive language. Proceed at your own peril.
(816): We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
(204): She’s like Mona Lisa when she’s intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she’s marvelous.
(717): I slept like a baby. A drunk drunk baby.
(614): You gotta start with a bang. For example: dear disney, fuck you. That oughta do it.
(913): And I promise I am not a Nigerian prince wanting to give you money.
(623): either my vag got smaller or his dick got bigger or that condom ruuuules.
(780): I fucking hate babies. People with kids should have their own airlines, called the I should have used a rubber airways. This flight is going to blow monkey tits.
(561): everytime those fat chicks kept walking by all you kept saying last night was LOAD ME UP.
(1-561): i was whale hunting.