The following may contain offensive language. Proceed at your own peril.
(774): It was good sex. She was screaming so much, I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
(212): I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
(614): There is a man walking 2 goats through the city
(614): Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
(239): I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed. I would check all of them.
(765): No, i’m drunk with my cat. but hes sober.
(401): This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
(818): he yelled ‘rock me amadeus!’ when he came.
(323): i love that song!
(818): NOT THE POINT
(617): Should I get an ampersand tattooed between my boobs?
(530): I got my parents high. They’ve been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I’m not the favorite.
(678): well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list.